Issue link: https://maltatoday.uberflip.com/i/1192401
15 maltatoday | SUNDAY • 15 DECEMBER 2019 INTERVIEW client might come here, say- ing that he or she was 'cop- ing perfectly fine' until some- thing suddenly happened to upset the balance. But when you listen to the back-story, you realise that it wouldn't have been 'sudden' at all. That person would have been struggling to juggle a 60-hour working week, with a cocaine habit on the side, and maybe a little gambling addiction thrown into the mix… The bottom line is that peo- ple might think they are cop- ing, but in reality they will be more overloaded than they realise. Meanwhile the demands of daily life have also increased, and are setting in at a much younger age. Children now have to choose their area of specialty when they are very young; and there is often pressure on them to do well at all subjects at school. This carries over into working life; and there are other pressures too, such as property prices. Talk to young people today, and you will find that a key stress factor is that they can't move out of home. They just can't afford to buy or rent a place of their own. It might sound paradoxical, but some- times the healthiest thing a young person can do is to move out of their parents' house… especially in prob- lematic family environments. But property prices today are creating an entire genera- tion that simply can't afford to leave the family nest… and that is not something that can be addressed therapeutically. At most you can help some- one to cope with the stress; but that's the equivalent of piling up sand-bags, as the water-level rises. The un- derlying problem will still be there. Society has meanwhile changed in other ways, too. Social media have arguably given rise to new stress-related factors: including online addiction and 'communication apprehension'. Do you encounter situations such as these? Undeniably, yes. For in- stance, a client might come to me saying something like: 'a friend of mine liked some- one else's picture on Face- book, but not my own. What do you think?' [Pause] What can I say, other than that the microcosm of social media is ultimately fake? People post only what they want others to see; and it will invariably be a very selective, artificial view. But once it has been posted on line… it's there. The fake picture becomes 'real'; and people tend to forget that the reality behind the mask will be very different. Also, social media create a need for instant response, in- stant gratification… and this can become addictive. In fact we are now talking about new pathologies such as 'Internet addiction disorder', or 'gam- ing addiction disorder'… People also tend to change personality online; they often become much more aggres- sive, for example. But I'm not arguing against social media, or suggesting that people shouldn't use the new tech- nologies at their disposal. It's just that, like any other pow- erful technology, people need to learn how to approach them. One thing we need to learn is how to switch off. With so- cial media, you never unplug from society. Until recently, the child who was bullied at school would at least be able to feel safe at home. Today, there is no respite; it follows you everywhere. So even if you wake up ear- ly, and decide to relax a little before going to work… you might look at your news feed, and read about another school shooting in the USA; or that Venice is under water… or about bush-fires in Brazil or Australia… or be faced with some passive-aggressive post that you feel the need to re- spond to… So even our moments of relaxation become, in them- selves, emotionally stressful. The same article that sounded the alarm over the risk of suicide, also pointed a finger of blame at the education system. You yourself already mentioned the competitive nature of schools as part of the problem. Do you agree that the workload on children is simply too high? One thing I would say is lacking is empathy as a topic to be taught in schools. A lack of empathy is very of- ten at the heart of the sort of problems that drive people to seek therapeutic help. Schools could do more in that sense; the system, as it is, does not give enough space to develop individual abilities… even though there have been mas- sive advances, which need to be acknowledged. But the basic education model is very much like that famous cartoon, where dif- ferent animals are judged according to their ability to climb a tree. It works well for the monkeys; and if you're a cat or a bear, you'll probably get by… but if you're a tor- toise or a goldfish, you are go- ing to have a problem. But to be honest I think par- ents could do a lot more, too. Children who come here talk to me more about pressures from their parents, than from school. I think, at the end of the day, parents should pri- oritise their children's men- tal health over their grades. As for the education system, there is always room for im- provement; but the front line remains the parents. This is, of course, a sensitive topic, and you can't generalise too much. But one thing I of- ten notice is that the anxiety of the parents will be transmitted to the child. It's not because they don't love their children; in fact it is very much the other way round. To give an example: if I told parents that their child would be OK if they chopped off their own arm… their reaction would be to ask me for an axe. That is how par- ents are: the love for their chil- dren is undeniable; the will- ingness to expend resources is right there; their commitment and motivation is 100%. But their method? That's something else altogether. One thing many parents need to learn is how to be satisfied with less-than-perfect results. They might tell a child, who got 85 in an exam, that… 'you can do better'. So the child feels bad about himself be- cause he 'only' got 85. We're ending up with a generation of children who feel they've 'let their parents down', when in fact they're passing all their exams; they're scoring goals with the school football team; they lead a healthy social life, etc. Don't get me wrong, it is un- derstandable that all parents will always want their chil- dren to be better than them- selves; but let's start talking about making them better psychologically and emotion- ally, too… anxiety PHOTO JAMES BIANCHI