Issue link: https://maltatoday.uberflip.com/i/1262267
13 maltatoday | SUNDAY • 21 JUNE 2020 NEWS Knowledge, awareness, and training on same-sex partner violence are still lacking within domestic violence shelters and professionals working in the field training on SSIPV are still lack- ing within domestic violence shelters and professionals work- ing in the field. This is one of the conclusions of a study by Kirsty Farrugia and Beverley Abela Gatt published in 'Mapping the Rainbow', edit- ed by Dr Marcelline Naudi and Dr Claire Azzopardi Lane of the University of Malta. Internationally, studies show that that SSIPV seems to be in- creasing and affects one-quarter of lesbian-gay-bi individuals. This data is comparable to re- ported rates of domestic occur- ring in abusive heterosexual re- lationships. Studies show that amongst the LGBTIQ+ community, bisexual female women seem to be more at risk, both in heterosexual and lesbian relationships, owing to the role that jealousy plays in in- timate partner violence, which may lead to more frequent trig- gers of violence. Unfortunately, the idea of an abusive lesbian relationship is often not seriously considered as it challenges the notion of a 'safe lifestyle' among women. Moreover, women fighting with other women and men fighting with other men are often con- sidered "mutual battering". In the absence of any local research on the matter, the authors carried out six inter- views with service providers to explore whether the services offered locally are effective for lesbian, gay and bisexual vic- tims. They inquired about the experience the service providers had when working with SSIPV victims, if they ever worked with clients who experienced SSIPV, and if they ever had training on addressing the issue. But professionals' knowledge in relation to SSIPV was mostly found lacking, with most believ- ing that SSIPV will only be an issue in the future. None of the shelters and services included in the study had different ar- rangements or practices when working with SSIPV victims. It resulted that while one of the participants stated that SSIPV victims are treated equally, they contradicted themselves by stating that the victims had a 'condition'. This continued to demonstrate that knowledge and training are needed. There are also barriers within the shelters, as LGBTIQ+ vic- tims come last, with priority being first given to heterosexual women and their children. The professionals interviewed had only worked with female victims and very few professionals had worked with gay male victims. To address this issue the study proposes that services employ a full-time male professional to eliminate the present gender gap in the field. This is because not every male victim may feel comfortable disclosing personal details to female workers. More- over, the study questions the stereotype that gay male victims only feel comfortable confiding with women, and warns that it should not be assumed that such victims feel comfortable open- ing up to female professionals. The study proposes great- er collaboration between the MGRM's LGBTIQ+ support service and service providers to exchange the knowledge needed. "LGBTIQ+ individuals themselves may prefer to seek aid from a service which does not specifically focus on and aid LGBTIQ+ individuals." ed me through it. I remember she told me, 'I wish a lot more dads were like you,' because she said only a few dads bother to do the research and came in prepared." Muscat Fenech Adami said it was the midwife who encouraged him to find his voice. "At a cer- tain point we were joking around and she told me I should share my opinions on social media… truth be told, I'd always wanted to write a blog but I thought I wasn't cut out for it – but she told me I should try." That motivation led to the cre- ation of themaltesedaddy.com. "There aren't any official daddy blogs in Malta – or at least that I've heard of. Instead, there were a few great mummy blogs, and I thought, why not become part of that community?" However, the true inspiration behind Muscat Fenech Adami wanting to be a good father stems from his childhood. "I can say with all honestly that my child- hood was amazing. I'm very close to my father; we're best friends. Growing up, my father was al- ways my role model. Both my parents were always there, but in terms of a father figure and how I become who I am today, it's al- ways been thanks to my father." "My motto has always been spend time with the family first, write about it later. I'm still trying to find that balance. If I'm going to write a blog, it's going to be well researched, it's not going to be something I threw together in twenty minutes." On Themaltesedaddy.com, Muscat Fenech Adami pens his personal experiences, about the challenges of fatherhood, the milestones he encountered, and recommendations for what fa- thers should read, services and products, all thoroughly tested by himself beforehand. "I wanted to start the blog be- cause in Malta there is very much a taboo – or rather the idea that mothers be prioritised when it comes to decision-making while fathers play second fiddle. I want- ed to get the idea across that fa- thers are capable of raising chil- dren too. The way a father loves their child is different from the way a mother loves their child – different but equal – and both unconditional." Muscat Fenech Adami said he has tackled fatherhood the same way he tackled many things in life – by using other people's experiences and trying to adapt and learn from them, to improve himself. "If for example, my fa- ther did something I did not agree with growing up – I'd say, maybe if he had tackled it a bet- ter way, it would have been better for me and my sister – but all this stems from my parents giving me a good foundation which I could build on." Muscat Fenech Ad- ami is humble about his writing abilities, but he writes about his own personal experiences and struggles. "I don't post every day, like some influencers. I had more time when Sophia was young- er – I'd post three times a week, but as she's gotten older, it's be- come tough, so I started posting just once a week, and recently less than that. I work a full-time job, and at the end of my shift I want to spend time with my family. COVID and fatherhood For Muscat Fenech Adami the COVID-19 lockdown has been a nice experience that allowed him to spend more time with his family. But it came with chal- lenges: his pregnant wife had to stay home as a preventive meas- ure against COVID-19, which meant the entire family spent two months in lockdown – with him only going out for groceries. "I was still working an eight- hour shift, trying to always make time for my daughter who at this age wants attention all the time, trying to help my wife because she was dealing with a lot on top of being pregnant. It was an expe- rience, to say the least." Muscat Fenech Adami said that during the lockdown one of the topics he tried to raise awareness on was the treatment of fathers at the birthing ward at Mater Dei Hospital, where as a precaution, fathers were being asked to wait in their cars until the later stages of childbirth. "It was almost like they were di- minishing the role of fathers dur- ing childbirth. A father or partner plays an important role in child- birth; obviously, the mother is the hero – she is the one giving birth. But us fathers are the side- kicks. We're on the side-lines giv- ing them support, trying our best to motivate them through this strenuous and traumatic expe- rience. And while fathers do not know what it feels to give birth, I know it is comforting to have someone there by your side when you are going through something difficult." Muscat Fenech Adami wife gave birth naturally to their first-born, but there were complications. "Being there and having made a birth plan before – because it was our first child – I was able to make sane decisions for us to have a good birthing experience." Today he thinks the extreme measures undertaken during COVID-19 could have been done differently. "Like, for example, having the parents both quaran- tine two weeks before their due date, and have the government step in if private employers have an issue with such mandatory self-quarantine." At the end of the day, Muscat Fenech Adami just wants his blog to guide parents and pre- pare them for the highs and lows of parenthood. "It's important to remember that there's no such thing as a perfect parent, above all. Trying your best is the end goal." Happy father: David with wife Laura and little Sophia, now almost two