Issue link: https://maltatoday.uberflip.com/i/1441473
8 maltatoday | SUNDAY • 9 JANUARY 2022 INTERVIEW Raphael Vassallo rvassallo@mediatoday.com.mt 'Women are always held accountable Various women's rights organisations have described last Sunday's shocking femicide as "the direct result of a cul- ture of hatred towards women that we have allowed to foster". This elicited hostile reactions on social media - most- ly from men – but first of all: can you explain precisely why you think that this murder can be so directly attributed to a local 'culture of misogyny'? Let me start by getting my own personal views out of the way first. Yes, this is very clearly a femicide; and yes, it is the direct result of a misogynistic culture. But when we use words like 'misogyny' – which, don't get me wrong, is the correct word to use – men generally tend to get defensive. Not each and every man, obvi- ously: but there does tend to be a gener- al reaction, coming from men, along the lines that… 'no, we don't hate women'; and that it's actually 'feminists who hate men'; and so on... But what we really mean, when we say that we live in a 'misogynistic culture', is something very different. I always take it back to the general stereotypes: our in- grained perceptions of how a woman, or a man, 'should be', according to the culture we have been brought up in. Things have changed, to some degree, over the years… but the roots of that culture are still very strong within us. If a man can't support his family, for in- stance: he is, to this day, made to feel very bad about it. If a man's wife happens to have a much higher social, or financial, position… he might feel very 'put out'; and other people will look at him as if he's 'not really doing his job… as a Man.' On the other hand, a woman who 'goes for it' – or who does not conform to the stereotype of '24-7 wife/mother/ child-carer', in any other way – is still generally seen as 'neglecting the family'; and very often still feels guilty, that she is somehow 'failing' in her primary role in life… as a Woman. These gender stereotypes, I would say, are still very deeply rooted within us. It is obviously a generalisation – there will always be women, and men, who don't conform to these expectations – but I still think it's a more or less accurate assess- ment. Men are generally expected to be the 'providers', in our culture… where- as the primary role of the woman is 'to serve': her husband, her children, her family… Sorry to interrupt, but some men out there (and just for the record: I'm not one of them myself) might consider it a bit of a 'stretch', to attribute such a ne- farious crime to the sort of cultural atti- tudes you are describing right now. It is, after all, one thing for a man to expect a woman to 'serve him supper'. But it is quite another for a man to rape and strangle the first woman he meets… But I don't just mean 'serving food on the dinner table' (though that's part of it, too). I also mean 'to serve' in the sexual sense. And if we look at it purely from the sexual angle: the same culture also dictates that men are supposed to be the 'predators'… if you'll accept the term. They are expected to 'take the lead', and to make all the advances: in all areas, real- ly… but specifically, when it comes to sex. When I was a teenager, for example, the girls always had to wait for the boys to ask them to dance… in what we used to call a 'disco-dance', back in those days. And it certainly would not have been done, for a girl to take the lead by kissing a boy, in- stead of the other way round. Oh, no: the boy was always supposed to be the 'lead- er', in terms of initiating sexual advanc- es. And the girls were always expected to hold back. So, very generally: what our society has taught us – all of us: men and women alike – is that: the man should be the one to 'go get it'; while the woman should be there, only to serve. That, by the way, is what we really mean by 'Male Privilege': there is an expectation in our society that - just as is it the woman's role 'to serve' – it is therefore the man's privilege 'to be served'. That's a message that gets implanted in- to boys from a very early age – and girls too, by the way: because we have all been brought up absorbing the same cultural background, whether we realise it or not. So when those boys grow up, and be- come young men: all those expectations of male privilege will still be there. And we see this across the board, too: it's not just a question 'being served at table'… or even sexually, for that matter… but also in politics; in business; in just about every aspect of social life. The man 'expects' to get what he wants… while the woman has to 'accept' – not 'expect' – whatever she ends up actually getting. But to tie in more directly with your question: just this morning, I read an ar- ticle on Lovin Malta asking the question: 'Do you feel safe, as a woman, in Malta?' It quoted many different women, talking about their own daily experiences... and what emerges – not just from that arti- cle, but also from various surveys and reports over the years – is that it is ac- tually extremely rare to find a woman who has NOT been harassed, while walk- ing through the streets… or using public transport, or whatever. In fact, I'll even go a step further. You very probably won't find any at all. Not a single one. The only thing you might find is that most women don't even ac- knowledge the harassment any longer… because it is so very 'normal', in our lives - such an everyday occurrence - that it's almost become 'expected'. If I'm understanding correctly, then: you The brutal rape and murder of 29-year-old Paulina Dembska seems to have shattered our perceptions of Malta as a 'safe country for women'; but as MARCELINE NAUDI, senior lecturer at the University's Faculty of Social Well-being, reminds us: 'rape and murder' are not the only things women may have to feel 'unsafe' about, in Malta