Issue link: https://maltatoday.uberflip.com/i/1441473
THE murder and rape of Pauli- na Dembska cannot be dis- missed as an isolated act of random madness. Neither can it be attributed to one single factor. I have a ten- dency to shun simplistic and slogan-ish explanations, even when expressed by kindred spirits. Much worse were com- ments on social media directed against the family of the sus- pected murderer, which were cruel and lacking in empa- thy. Such language misses the wood for the trees in horrific episodes like these. Surely the fact that a woman was raped and murdered by a young male, who to some de- gree frequented the fundamen- talist and homophobic River of Love, cannot be overlooked. What happened in a public gar- den in Sliema obviously makes women feel more threatened than men. And while this was necessarily a crime against women in general, it surely im- pacted on the serenity of wom- en to enjoy public spaces with- out worrying on what could be lurking in the shadows. Still, we should not forget that most crimes against wom- en are committed in a domes- tic context, which to some extent make them even more insidious and structurally root- ed than what are thankfully rare aggressions in the public realm. And once again this tragedy has brought out the worms from the woodwork, in the shape of pastor Gordon-John Manche, whose evangelical and politically right-wing sect provides a direct personal re- lationship with an unloving male and homophobic God. As Archbishop Desmond Tu- tu said: "I would refuse to go to a homophobic heaven. No, I would say sorry, I mean I would much rather go to the other place." And while I am cautious on the radicalisation thesis ad- vanced by some quarters of the press and on social media, fun- damentalism mixed with other factors like mental health can be part of an explosive cock- tail. Threatening journalists reporting on the case with fire and brimstone is simply anoth- er confirmation of a state of mind rooted in absolutist cer- tainty. In short, it is impossible to have a conversation with people who think they have a monopoly on truth. Any con- versation on sexuality, which is full of grey areas, has to start from self-doubt and a refusal of any absolutism. Further muddying the wa- ters was an unsolicited homo- phobic outburst by right-wing Catholic priest David Muscat, who equated "gayness" with demonic possession. This trig- gered a strong and healthy re- action in civil society, which simply confirms how far we have gone in the past few years. This also reopened an impor- tant debate on hate crime and what is prosecutable, but it risks deviating us from a much more urgent conversation we need. For despite the breath-taking progress on all liberal issues except abortion (and signif- icantly due to its impact on our dominant view of women as incubators), we have a long way to go in addressing deeply rooted sexism and misogyny. What is important at this stage is to have a conversation on sexuality and masculinity, which despite the important liberal reforms of the past dec- ade, has largely not taken place. One major problem is that sex and sexuality in general remain taboo. We need a kind of sex positivity which makes it pos- sible to have a conversation on consent and how we can enjoy our sexuality without making others feel uncomfortable. Males in particular need to talk about their history of enti- tlement. We need to talk about consent to establish clear boundaries which make our relations healthier. Moreover, we need to talk without an ob- ligation to confess and without imposing a culture of secular guilt. So yes: let's also critically talk about pornography, which often taps on our darker sides, not with the aim of censoring, but to equip young people – particularly males – with the social and personal skills to live their fantasies in the realm of playful, sometimes meaning- ful, but crucially consensual relations. In many ways the LGBTIQ movement has been a pioneer in exploring a pluralistic sexu- ality without hang-ups, but one based on consent and respect. We also need to accept the re- ality of non-monogamous re- lationships and present them as legitimate possibilities. For this to happen, we need more sexual education – not just in schools but in our communi- ties; as well as laws based on equality and respect for body autonomy. Neither can we ignore enti- tlement based on class, a kind of sexual entitlement driving global male elites in their pred- atory ways. This cannot be ig- nored in any debate on liber- alising the sex industry, even if we should be wary of con- demning sex workers to obscu- rity and invisibility in the name of a new confessional morality. This is one issue which illus- trates the complexity of issues which go beyond the liberal vs. conservative dichotomy. Historically Malta may have missed the bus in the 1960s –instead of talking about sex and power, people were be- ing interdicted and damned for their political choices. But today it finds itself swimming in a murky, online ocean that is also home to incels, funda- mentalists and even pornogra- phers who celebrate predatory behaviour. And we lack the literary sen- sitivity that comes from read- ing history and good novels, which helps us understand the darkness which potentially lurks in each one of us. This is why a conversation on sexuali- ty in Malta is so difficult but so necessary. 12 maltatoday | SUNDAY • 9 JANUARY 2022 Stephen Langston is Programme Leader for Performance, University of the West of Scotland OPINION James Debono Why Malta needs a conversation on sex and toxic masculinity Any conversation on sexuality, which is full of grey areas, has to start from self-doubt and a refusal of any absolutism