Issue link: https://maltatoday.uberflip.com/i/1445232
10 maltatoday | SUNDAY • 23 JANUARY 2022 Raphael Vassallo OPINION 'The Transfiguration of Roberta Metsola' IT'S been one hell of a week for the newly elected President of the European Parliament, hasn't it? In fact, I'm beginning to half-believe all those myths and legends, that are now sprouting all around her persona like so many little (magic) mushrooms, everywhere... For let's face it: it's not very often that any politician, of any description whatsoever (be they Maltese, or non-Maltese; Left- wing, or Right-wing; male, or female…. you name it) manages to do at least two completely im- possible things: both in the space of one week. So tell you what: let's take these two 'Metsola miracles' in chron- ological order, shall we? 1. 'Breaking the glass ceiling' That's right, folks: like any self-respecting Biblical miracle, this one was 'prophesied in days of yore'. In fact, it was just last November that a certain prophet by the name of Matthew Xuereb (writing – presumably, on cu- neiform tablets – in The Times) foretold that: "She [Metsola] stands a chance of being the woman who breaks another glass ceiling in Brussels, making her the first woman to hold the post of EP president since 1999…" And lo and behold! So it came to pass last Tuesday: when Rob- erta Metsola did indeed 'break that glass ceiling'… by becoming the THIRD (3rd) woman to oc- cupy that position, after Nicole Fontaine in 1999, and Simone Veil in… wait for it… 1979 (!!!)… See what I mean? It almost re- minds me of the 'Miracle of the Virgin Birth'. Because let's face it: 'breaking a glass ceiling' is a little bit like 'losing your virgin- ity'. Realistically speaking: it can only ever happen… ONCE. And for pretty obvious reasons, too. For as soon as that hymen – sorry, 'ceiling' – is well and tru- ly broken, and lies scattered in glittering fragments all over the floor… well, that's it, really. No more 'glass ceiling' to even break any more, is there? Unless, of course, you were to pick up all those broken shards, and somehow 'superglue' them together to create a whole new one (in which case, 'breaking it again' would hardly be an ac- complishment worthy of writing a Psalm about, would it? It would probably just shatter spontane- ously, at the slightest touch of a finger… …) But, hey! Like I said at the be- ginning: there is no feat impos- sible enough for Roberta Met- sola not to accomplish So not only did she manage to break a non-existent, and long-shat- tered, 'Brussels glass ceiling'… but she also did this: a) on her own birthday (which is – let's face it – already a weird enough little coincidence, all un- to itself); and, b) exactly 41 years after Simone Veil had accomplished the same feat… in THE SAME YEAR THAT ROBERTA MET- SOLA HERSELF WAS BORN!!! [Deep breath] Ok, sorry for all the 'shouting' there, but… I mean… how much more proof do we even need, that there is something truly miraculous in the unfolding of such manifestly portentous events? That's right up with there with the 'Six-Tusked Elephant which foretold the birth of Siddharta Gautama'… (or 'the Angel Ga- briel announcing the conception of Jesus Christ', if you prefer). There are prophecies within prophecies… passages of ancient texts, which seem to somehow foreshadow 'events that have not yet to come to pass'… … in a nutshell, it is almost as though Roberta Metsola's as- cension to the EP Presidency really had been 'written in the stars', all along. There really must be some kind of ''Divine Intervention', at work behind the scenes: guiding her, step by step, towards her pre-ordained, glorious destiny… And immediately, this provides an answer to the question that has been on everybody lips since last Tuesday: i.e., 'Why did she wear white'? Why, indeed! Obviously, it's because she is predestined to continue her meteoric ascent… all the way to its natural conclu- sion (when Roberta Metsola be- comes the first female Catholic Pope, no less…) And I can see it all already: the white plumes of smoke, rising from the Vatican… followed by that inevitable solemn an- nouncement, in Ecclesiastical Latin, that… 'Habemus Met- solam'! How's that for a 'glass ceiling', huh? But hold on: let's limit our- selves to only one miracle at a time… … which, of course, lead us all crashingly to… Miracle number two: 'The Transfiguration' OK: I'll admit that this particu- lar supernatural occurrence is somewhat slightly less impres- sive: for – no offence to Metso- la herself, naturally – this time round, she can hardly claim to be the 'first politician' (and all the above provisos still apply: left, right, male, female, etc.) to have been compelled – by the Universal Law of Political Expe- diency – to perform such a dras- tic hand-brake 'U-turn', on such a gravelly subject as… ABOR- TION. (That's odd: there was a sudden thunderclap, out of nowhere, just as I wrote that last word… weird, huh?) But back to the business at hand. Not only is Roberta Met- sola herself something of a 'late-comer' to this game – it has, after all, been played by at least two former Maltese Eu- ropean Commissioners (one named Joe, and the other To- nio)… but her own performance was nowhere near as calamitous as that of some of her immediate predecessors. For while Roberta Metsola did consistently vote against count- less EP resolutions, specifically