Issue link: https://maltatoday.uberflip.com/i/1465732
maltatoday | SUNDAY • 24 APRIL 2022 OPINION 10 Raphael Vassallo OPINION The Owl and the Pussy-Cat ('Only in Malta' version) IT might sound like a rather random thing to just suddenly pull out of a hat: but back in the early 1990s, I remember writing a parody of Edward Lear's most famous (non-limerick) poem, along the above lines. Sadly, however – or who knows? Maybe that should be 'mercifully' – I just can't find any trace of the original version, all these years later. Oh, well: I guess you'll just have to make do with the following rehash in- stead, which I recomposed from memory this morning (trust me, it's pretty close to the original: warts, dodgy rhymes, and all.) And so, with all that out of the way: here it is, in all its forgotten glory… *** The Owl and the Pussy-Cat ('Only in Malta' version) The Owl and the Pussy-Cat sailed to sea, On a beautiful pea-coloured yacht. They took with them 'rizzi', and lots of 'pastizzi', (Not to eat, but to watch them all rot.) Then they sailed away, for a year and a day, To the land of the 'bajtar tax- xewk'. But there on the shore, a 'kac- catur' swore, Amid rapid-repeat shotgun smoke. The Owl looked up to the stars above, As its body started to sway…. "Oh beautiful Pussy! Oh Pussy, my love! I believe I have been blown away! (Away, away, away, away…) Yes, I think that I've been blown away!" Said the Cat to the Owl, "You poor little Fowl, And how nastily badly you bleed! Never you worry! To shore will I hurry, For a doctor is what we most need!" So the Cat swam ashore (as the kaccatur swore), And proceeded to look for some aid; But crossing the street, it was turned to dead-meat, By a speeding Daihatsu Cha- rade… The Owl now sits on a shelf in a bar, Which it shares with a hawk and an eagle. Forever they stare, across bleak empty air, Above hunters (who drink Chi- vas Regal.) The Cat, by the way, was scooped up the next day, And stored in the fridge of Malata. Its next surprise venue, was the Tourist Set Menu: By the words, 'Try our local Fenkata!' (Ata, ata, ata, ata…) By the words, 'Try our local Fenkata!' THE END *** And, well, there you have it. Not exactly 'Nobel Prize' ma- terial, I am the first to admit; but then again, I'm not exactly showcasing its merit as a work of literature, am I? No, indeed. If I reproduce it at all, it's more because – like I said at the very beginning – this is something I wrote more than three decades ago: 'way back in the 1990s', no less. And from my own experience, that was at a time when the state of Malta's environment in general (and animal welfare, in particular) was still stuck very firmly in the Stone Age. Ah, but what specific elements did I actually single out for sa- tirical treatment, all those years ago? Given that the Edward Lear original was ultimately about a 'bird', and a 'cat'…. what does my own version tell us about how both those life-forms were generally regarded, and treated, back then? Much more to the point: what does it tell us about how (if at all) that same antediluvian sit- uation has actually changed, in the meantime? (To put that another way: if, for argument's sake, I were to have composed that poem today, instead of in the 1990s… would the end result have been any different?) Well, this brings me to the in- teresting part. When it comes to the fate of the Owl… the short answer would have to be: no, not all. With the possible excep- tion of that reference to 'Chivas Regal' (Note: 'Famous Grouse' would have been far more ap- propriate… but it doesn't exact- ly rhyme with 'eagle', does it?) there is, quite simply, nothing there that needs to be updated, to remain relevant in the 21st century. Indeed, you could even argue that today's hunting situation has deteriorated alarmingly, since then. Because back in the 1990s, there was at least an 'ex- cuse', of sorts, for the sheer state of lawlessness that pervaded the countryside…. and it's right there, in the word 'lawlessness'. There was, in fact, hardly an- ything that even existed to curb the excesses of hunters, at the time; and even less, that amount- ed to a 'proper legal framework' for the protection of wildlife in general. Today, on the other hand, there exists – on paper, any- way – an entire infrastructure that is supposed to 'regulate' this sector: including the Wild Birds Regulatory Unit; the Ornis Committee; the Administrative Law Enforcement section of the Police (which also doubles up as a 'wildlife crimes unit'); and so on, and so forth, and so fifth. Oh yes, it's all there: in accord- ance with all the international treaties we signed, when joining the European Union (and, before that, the Council of Europe). And yet – as confirmed by news reports this very week – our actual treatment of birdlife re- mains every bit as 'uncontrolled', as it was when none of the above Back in the 1990s, there was at least an 'excuse', of sorts, for the sheer state of lawlessness that pervaded the countryside…. and it's right there, in the word 'lawlessness'