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MALTATODAY 28 August 2022

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maltatoday | SUNDAY • 28 AUGUST 2022 OPINION 10 Raphael Vassallo OPINION 'No one will turn our streets into a jungle… except me!' OH, well. I guess I've left it far too late in the day, to send in my own recommendation for this week's MaltaToday car- toon. For one thing, because the idea itself only came to me this morning – i.e., one day ahead of publication – but also, be- cause the Robert Abela quote it is based on, was uttered more than a week ago (and even then, it was only reported on one online portal: so there's a fair chance some of you might have missed it altogether). But no matter. There is a certain level at which the 'car- toon-in-my-head' will proba- bly remain relevant for many, many years to come… if not for all time; and under all admin- istrations of Maltese govern- ment. And besides: the event Rob- ert Abela was actually talking about, when he used that 'jun- gle' analogy – i.e., a much-pub- licised brawl, involving mostly Syrian nationals, on the main street of Hamrun – certainly hasn't lost any of its relevance in the meantime, either... So without any further ado, this was the Prime Minister's own reaction to that street- fight, when asked for a com- ment by Lovin Malta: "I want to send a message to those who think that they're above the law… no one will be allowed to turn our streets into a jungle!" And this, on the other hand, is how I would have capitalized on that opportunity, were I still a newspaper cartoonist (as, believe it or not, I once was); and assuming, of course, that I possess the talent and skill to actually DRAW any of the fol- lowing details, instead of mere- ly describe them (sadly, I do not; which also explains why I am no longer a newspaper car- toonist today). But onto the cartoon it- self. We start, as always, with a blank canvas. In the fore- ground, I invite you to pic- ture a comical rendition of the Hamrun street-fight… which can be done in several ways: I myself would probably favour the classic 'Batman' approach (or 'Popeye', or 'Asterix', etc.)… even because it's by far the eas- iest of the lot. In any case, you know what I mean: a large central cloud of swirling dust, in which an as- sortment of fists (some wield- ing knives) and flailing limbs can be seen, engaged in a chaot- ic flurry of punches and kicks… all punctuated by the manda- tory exclamations of 'BIFF!', 'SOCK!', 'KAPOW!', etc. Oh, and just for a touch of added verisimilitude… I would also include a couple of 'car- toony' policemen, here and there: either desperately try- ing (and failing) to control the ruckus; or else, diving behind the nearest parked car for cov- er… Meanwhile, for the back- ground, I invite you to contem- plate what a typical Maltese streetscape normally looks like, at the best of times (i.e., when there ISN'T a massive street punch-up, to add to the general chaos.) Naturally, it's a bit dif- ficult to include all the details, that have already turned our streets into precisely the sort of 'lawless jungle' that Abela suddenly wants to avoid… … but again, you can proba- bly already picture it for your- selves. Side-streets blocked by tower cranes, as far as the eye can see; as more and more gargantuan (and hideous) con- struction projects rear their ugly heads, above an already severely-disfigured skyline… first overshadowing all sur- rounding heritage landmarks; then later (as in the latest Man- ikata monstrosity) obliterating them altogether… Once again, for the sake of verisimilitude, we shall have to include a few minor de- tails: such as a random con- struction worker, falling to his death from one of the many tower-blocks under construc- tion (something that seems to happen at least once a month, in this country… perhaps un- surprisingly, seeing as 'OHSA inspections' happen a lot less frequently than that…) As for the streets themselves, these would have to be depict- ed as they so often are: i.e., per- manently ground to a halt, by choking congestion – some of which will be caused by Mal- ta's exponentially-growing rate of annual traffic accidents (because in case no one's no- ticed yet: far more people are killed each year in car-crashes, than in any number of 'Ham- run street-fights'…) - and of course, endlessly criss-crossed by speeding E-scooters, flying in from all directions… some- times on the street, sometimes on the pavement… and invari- ably, without any regard for (or even knowledge of) the Maltese Highway Code. Speaking of pavements: on the rare occasions where there even ARE any, to speak of… these will usually be cluttered with far more obstacles than you'd ever find in the under- growth of a real jungle: from the ever-expanding terrac- es of restaurants and bars; to piles of uncollected litter, left to fester at every corner; to the scaffolding of any num- ber of building-sites, and/ or excavation-craters; to the E-scooters themselves, natu- rally (which, as a rule, end up getting dumped pretty much anywhere, without a care in the world, the moment they are no longer needed… just like gar- bage, in fact.) Heck, at a stretch I'd even try to include a little corner rep- resenting one of Malta's many over-exploited beaches: with every square-inch of the fore- shore covered in towels and deckchairs… as a conveyor-belt literally dumps thousands of 'tourists' and 'day-trippers' each morning, to be duly ripped-off by the same handful of greedy, rapacious 'entrepre- neurs'… … or how about an entire flock of rare (and supposedly 'protected') birds of prey: all enthusiastically gunned out of the sky, on the very first day of Malta's notoriously under-reg- ulated 'hunting season'? But wait, let's not get too car- ried away. For one thing, there is literally no end, to the num- ber of issues and/or phenome- na which have already reduced our country to the status of a lawless 'jungle'… long, long be- fore the first punch was even thrown, in that celebrated Hamrun brawl. And not only is it impossible to include them all, in a sin- gle frame; but there isn't even any need to, anyway. Because whichever example you choose – including all the ones I men- tioned, above – they all have at least three things in common. One: they are all caused – di- rectly, or indirectly - by 'people who think they are above the law' [Note: and in some cases, you can't even blame them, re- ally: it is, after all, the message Robert Abela himself gave out, before the last election… when – among other things – he was 'guest of honour', at a banquet organized by a cartel of Gozitan developers…); Two: they all fall under the category of 'things that func- tioning governments are gen- erally supposed to address' (ei- ther through legislation, or – in the overwhelming majority of cases – by simply enforcing a couple of existing laws), and; Three: they are all issues and/ or phenomena that Robert Ab- ela's government has either chosen to steadfastly ignore, in its first two years of existence; or else, has openly aided and abetted itself… by continuously 'tweaking' legislation, to favour precisely those 'who think they are above the law' (you know: the same ones he now tells us he has another 'message' for…) And here, I am tempted to add a fourth. They are all a good deal easier to actually contend with, than 'a massive street-fight involving rival Syr- ian (or any other nationality)

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