Issue link: https://maltatoday.uberflip.com/i/1495665
15 Unity SUNDAY 26 MARCH 2023 ents are very supportive financially; and another time I was covered by insurance. I needed to go because of my psychotic episodes and because of suicidal ideation and an abandoned suicide attempt. Anxiety lights up my psychosis and vice-versa. These epi- sodes bleed me dry. Do you ever see yourself without having to juggle with hallucinations? At this point in time no, even though the medication and therapy have helped me immensely. How do you cope with an episode or panic attack? It is essential for me to have time distracting myself by watching a TV series or playing a video game or else possibly going out with a friend to chill. At times an episode and panic attack would require that I get home as soon as possible. Listening to mu- sic and being with someone close to me are also beneficial, but at the same time giving me space is crucial. Thankfully I work at a place where they understand me well. I also take PRN medication. An ep- isode can take anything between 30 minutes and 3 hours, and then I sleep it off even though sleeping is quite a chore at times. Would you feel it coming? Yes, at times even a couple of days before. As I told you before these epi- sodes are triggered by stressful situa- tions so in a way I can see it coming. I am developing defence mechanisms to prevent an escalation of the epi- sodes by keeping myself calm and as stress free as possible. Do you struggle with sleep? Sleeping has been my worst enemy since day one. Episodes don't help. At times it feels as if there are 10 people (hallucinations) all of them speaking and talking. Nightmares are a fright- ening and dreadful experience and if they wake me up I usually can't go back to sleep. What is the role of family? Family members are my biggest sup- port system and have learnt how to tackle this issue with me. There were moments when the hallucinations used to pick on my sister and I would sleep or stay near here to protect her from the hallucinations. It took me time to realise that really and truly they cannot do anything to her – but it's tough for me as I'm very protec- tive of my sister. My sister is also one of the strongest pillars in my support system. Do the hallucinations actually sit in your car? Yes, they sit with me through the drive. When I changed my car, I de- cided to get a two-seater, a Smart, not only because of its compact size (and economical) but also to have less space for the hallucinations to sit with me. They are so invasive. Even during the night, they touch me, and it is a very bad feeling, possibly the worst and the most aggravating of feelings – that feeling of being touched, is ter- rible. How does society deal with your mental health? I've never been at the end of discrim- ination. Maybe the only moment I re- member being in a sticky situation is when I got drunk in Paceville, and this is certainly not a good thing for me because the medication I take, to put it mildly, creates volatility. This situ- ation triggered an awkward situation and it wasn't good. I can also recall an isolated moment when I was talked about behind my back – it wasn't nice but you learn to cope with these situ- ations. How about trying to get a loan? It is through the support of my fam- ily that I managed to secure a loan by having my family secure some money as contingency. I feel lucky to have my family who supports me. But what about people who do not have the privilege of a family like mine? Why do you think there aren't too many people who speak about psychosis? I think it's because I have enough protection, care and security. Many others know that the moment that they talk it will cast a shadow on them and it becomes threatening. Isn't working in the mental health sector too much? Yes, sometimes it is a bit too much and too heavy, but it is also the perfect place for me, firstly because I get to help people with psychosis, and sec- ondly I know the ins and outs of what these people go through and I feel good supporting these people. When it gets too heavy I find loads of sup- port from the people at work. What about pets? My dogs are company and support, and the older dog somehow knows when I need him most. Knowing I have my dogs close to me gives me reassurance and I feel safe and not alone. How has this condition affected your relationships? It hasn't really. I feel that I was lucky by and large. The people around me do understand me and feel me when things are not right. They provide me with the help I need. I know that I need to surround myself with positive people and people who do not judge me and know how to cope with my episodes. What comes to mind when the alleged murderer of Paulina Dembska has been referred to as psychotic? Initially it made me very angry. But it seems that in this case there is a melange of criminal behaviour, prob- lematic upbringing, drugs and mental health. I must say that this situation con- fused me on so many levels. Yes, fear and worrying thoughts do come to mind. I feel that it reversed the work I've done for these last two, three years and sent so much down the drain. And the usual mantra is thrown around, that "we should throw him in prison". But it is so more complex than that. I am thankful that my situation is not the situation of this alleged murder. In fact, after the anger subsided I got more energy in me to do more. We need to reflect where the mistakes in the person's life were made and by whom. Each situation is different as one takes you down a slippery slope whilst the other can become an op- portunity. Yes, I am thankful for the care and support I got from my family includ- ing the financial support during the time I have been diagnose with psy- chosis. "I am thankful for the care and support I got from my family including the financial support during the time I have been diagnosed with psychosis"