Issue link: https://maltatoday.uberflip.com/i/1495665
7 NEWS maltatoday | SUNDAY • 26 MARCH 2023 'I can't say his name in public, portray him as a black horse' recalled him saying that he was going to leave, but instead turned the lights off and got into bed with her. She says she woke up at 2am to him raping her. At one point, he got out of bed and went to smoke a ciga- rette on the balcony and start- ed to eat some food that he had brought with him. "I was so scared. He had al- ready pushed a lot of bounda- ries, so I was scared that he can do whatever he wants. I just froze." Eventually, she got out of bed and asked him to get out of her house. "I begged him. I didn't want him to be angry because I was still very scared of what he might do." After insisting that she go back to sleep, he left the house and Emma called the helpline. As she approaches a year since the crime, Emma says she is very angry with the slow pace of the judicial system. "I think there's enough evi- dence for a court case. My wish is to go to court and fight for my justice. I know that I will have to go to court and reopen the wound. I know there won't be closure, and I can't get it right now because I need to fight for it." The slow justice for sexual assault is a familiar story, and Emma knows it. "There have been lots of cases lately that are being decided to the det- riment of the victim. There is this myth that people, espe- cially women, just report these things for fun. They don't un- derstand the guts it takes to say something like this." She said there are a small number of people who will re- port false allegations, but this is only a small portion from those who do come forward with accusations of rape. "It's not fair that in most cas- es, you don't get justice for the victim. It just shows how fake our justice system is in Mal- ta. And then coming from a woman magistrate?" she says, remarking on a recent court sentence in which a policeman was acquitted of raping his col- league. "They can't understand that no one has the guts to just in- vent something like that, go to court, destroy a person's rep- utation, just for fun. It simply does not happen." It's been a bumpy road for Emma since filing the report. "I've been back to Mount Car- mel four more times since the rape, so that's how I've been coping. Many panic attacks, depression, anxiety, PTSD..." "[But] If I have a healthy cop- ing mechanism, it's my art. It helps me put my words and dark thoughts onto paper." In her art, which she uploads on Instagram, she personifies the perpetrator as a black horse. "For me, it symbolises the monster. The fact that I can't say his name in public, but I can portray him as a black horse, gives me a bit of control over the situation." In the meantime, she is hop- ing to hold an exhibition of her art soon and is preparing to get married in two months. "If you asked me how I was a month ago, I'd tell you I'd rath- er be dead than alive. I over- dosed, tried to kill myself. But now I'm much better." Reach out to Victim Support Malta on 2122 8333 or info@ victimsupport.org.mt Emma Attard "My wish is to go to court and fight for my justice. I know that I will have to go to court and reopen the wound. I know there won't be closure, and I can't get it right now because I need to fight for it."