Issue link: https://maltatoday.uberflip.com/i/1509248
YES, folks! As you've probably already guessed, that is EXACTLY the question that was put to Malta's Prime Minister, in person, by Ukrainian leader Vlamidir Zelenskyy himself (or was that Zelen- skyyyyyy… you know, with six 'Ys', instead of only three?) But anyway, you all know who I mean: the 'dude in the military outfit', who once ferociously mauled Anglu Farrugia in Mal- ta's Parliament, for daring to describe the Ukrainian war as… gulp!… a 'conflict'… Aren't you just DYING, then, to hear how the same Zelensk… yeah, that guy… must have reacted, to all those promises of 'unwavering support': coming from the Prime Minister of a country that hasn't even sent Ukraine a single, measly little 'anti-tank helicopter', so far! (Still less, any of the thousands of weapons, troops and other military hardware that the country so desperately needs, to halt a full-scale ground-invason by Russia)… And on top of that: 'Vladimir Z.' knows perfectly well that we CAN'T actually pro- vide any of those things, even if we wanted to… given that: a) our Neutrality clause forbids it, and b) we don't exactly have a surplus of hi-tech military weaponry, to just 'dish out' like that (I mean: these things don't exactly 'fall out of the sky', do they? Oh, wait! They do…) In any case: all this inevitable raises the teeny-weenie little question. What DID those two leaders even have to discuss in that private meeting of theirs, anyway? And, well, that's where we come in, folks! For while other news outlets limit their own coverage only to the superficial as- pects (indeed, there was not a single 'main- stream' news article, anywhere on the is- land, informing us what that meeting was even about)… … here at 'Not News', we always go that extra mile – 1,657km, in this case: all the way to Madrid! - to bring you the precise details of what REALLY happened, behind the scenes (which, let's face it, is not all that terribly difficult: when you also have the luxury of being able to just 'make it all up, as you go along'). So without further ado: here is what… well, PROBABLY happened, during that crucial encounter between Robert Abela and Vladimir Zelensky…(yyy). 1. Robert Abela made a number of grand-sounding – but manifestly 'mean- ingless' – declarations, that could all be equally described as 'stating the bleed- ingly obvious' Let's face it: this one's an easy prediction to make… because our Prime Minister has a bit of habit, doesn't he, of "calling a spade, a hand-held implement with which to dig holes in the ground'"? Like that time, for instance, when he addressed an assembly of the United Na- tions Security Council; and proclaimed to his bewildered audience – which, I have no doubt, was intensely grateful to him, for finally 'opening their collective eyes' - that… "WE CANNOT HAVE PEACE, IF THE STRONG IMPINGE ON THE WEAK!" Erm… ye-e-es, Dr Abela. But isn't that a little like saying: 'we cannot have law-and- order… if criminals continue to commit crimes'?! But wait, it gets better: at the same con- ference, Malta's Prime Minister also alert- ed the United Nations to the (hitherto un- imagined) fact that… "TODAY'S CRISES CAN ONLY BE OVERCOME, IF STATES WORK TO- GETHER AND CO-OPERATE EFFEC- TIVELY!" Gee, Robert, you don't say! And there we all were, thinking that the only possible solution to today's 'crises', was that each country 'works separately, in isolation from one another'… and above all, that we never, EVER 'co-operate' ('effectively', or otherwise), under any circumstances, whatsoever! What more can I say? Good thing the United Nationals General Assembly gets to hear the sagacity of people like Mal- ta's Prime Minister, every once in a while. (Otherwise, who knows how many centu- ries would have to pass, before they finally work all that out, for themselves…?) More to the point: I have no doubt that the people of Ukraine will likewise benefit enormously, from this 'unwavering' bar- rage of empty, meaningless platitudes… which of course, brings me to: 2. Abela will assure Vladimir that Malta's 'Constitutional Neutrality' clause will not prove to be any 'obstacle', in our country's commitment to provide 'unwavering support, to the people of Ukraine'… And to be fair: he's atually right, on this one. Leaving aside that the precise wording of that particular Constitutional clause, seems to have been designed – or at least, 'amended' – to make it as impossi- ble to ever actually be applied, as originally intended… … among other things, by alluding to 'Two Superpowers' (only one of which can still be said to actually exist).. … there's also the small matter that Mal- ta's Neutrality hasn't exactly stopped our country from – according to the latest Global Organised Crime Index report, an- yway – becoming "a transit point for the trafficking of weapons from Italy to Egypt, by organised crime groups" (not to men- tion arguably a hub for most of Europe's illicit weaons trade, to all other parts of Af- rica, and beyond). So why should the same 'Neutrality clause' suddenly stop Robert Abela from… well, doing precisely what's he doing right now, in the case of that 'crime report' (only extending the same treatment to Ukraine, as to Egypt)? No, indeed! Vladimir Z. has absolutely nothing to worry about on that score. Mal- ta may not be able to provide any 'guns, tanks, troops, or fighter-jets', of its own… but we can sure as hell always do our wn bit, for the Ukrainian cause, by simply 'turning a blind idea' to a little arms-trad- ing in their direction, too! Make no mistake, then: Robert Abela and Vladimir Zelenskyy must have had plenty to talk about, at that top-secret meeting last Thursday, that was of 'mutual concern to our two great nations'. (Such a shame, though, that we'll probably never get a SE- RIOUS report, about what they actually discussed…). 12 maltatoday | SUNDAY • 8 OCTOBER 2023 Ursula's adventures in Wonderland... Compiled by Raphael Vassallo