Issue link: https://maltatoday.uberflip.com/i/1546315
A blended family is described as a couple that marries or co- habitates yet has children from a previous relationship. Managing blended family dy- namics is becoming a major concern for a lot of married and cohabiting couples in Mal- ta. Not all couples share the experience of marrying and living their lives with the one they had children with. While the children may not be bio- logical to both parents, they came with at least one, so the responsibility of parenting an- other person's child becomes inevitable. Stepfathers and stepmothers need a lot of resources to nav- igate their new domestic situa- tion, but a lack of resources is due to many people thinking that they will never find them- selves as part of a blended fam- ily. Forming a stepfamily is not a decision to be taken lightly be- cause it takes the average fam- ily five to seven years to fully blend. Unfortunately, the sta- tistics for second marriages re- port a high failure rate, and this is directly related to the added stress of blended family issues. During the first international conference on strong blend- ed families held in Malta last February and organised by the Malta Foundation for the Wellbeing of Society, in col- laboration with the University of Malta, it emerged that such families need more support and tailored policies. The right to social benefits, the stress brought about on the relationship by lengthy court separation cases, and issues surrounding the prop- erty rights of stepparents and their rights over inheritance to property were all aspects that need to be better regulated and enhanced. The struggles that children face in terms of showing loy- alty towards one parent over another were also highlighted. There is a vast difference be- tween the care of a biological child and one that belongs to someone else. This concept has nothing to do with love and everything to do with rights. By love, I mean willing to sacrifice one's livelihood and safety for and forgive under any circum- stances. One can treat a child like one's own, but love is a lit- tle different. The misconception about the role of a step-parent can be the number one factor contribut- ing to the discord of a blended family. It is my opinion that when people go into situations believing they have full rights to something just because of a position they take on or a title, they are setting themselves up for disappointment. I see stepparents stress them- selves out all of the time try- ing to give children who aren't theirs a life that they would give their own. This is a great gesture, and in some circum- stances, such as the death or absence of a biological parent, it is a necessary and appropri- ate one. Some people may see the ex- tra help or support as a threat or an effort to take over, es- pecially if they aren't secure in their role as a biological parent. Such step-parents will have a difficult time staying in their lane. Staying in his or her lane also prevents a spouse from feeling pushed or coerced when having to make changes or decisions they aren't ready to make when it comes to their children. Similarly, it makes the step-parent less of a scape- goat should anything go wrong with the change. Many stepparents will find success in focusing on estab- lishing a friendly rapport with the stepchild. Hopefully, single adults with children will talk about the issues of co-parent- ing and blending a family be- fore they try it. Raising chil- dren together involves values, parenting and discipline styles, religion and ethnic traditions, which must be understood and agreed upon by the par- ents. Blended families can be a challenge, but a caring, help- ful step-parent can be the best thing that happens. Blended families are formed following a loss, meaning that unresolved grief could impact the formation of the stepfami- ly. They are also at risk for loy- alty conflicts where children, partners and ex-partners can become entwined in negative interactional patterns. The in- creased stress leaves the couple at risk for divorce and another round of grief and loss. What is commonly known to work in first-time families may not be true for stepfamilies. For example, in a first-time family, the parent's marriage should come first, then the children. But in stepfamilies, the oppo- site is true. Divorce is foisted on children and often presents upheaval and unwanted chang- es. Regardless of the ups and downs that inevitably arise when two families come to- gether as one, a blended family can become stronger than ever. Blood makes you related; love makes you family. 10 maltatoday | WEDNESDAY • 26 AUGUST 2026 OPINION Regardless of the ups and downs that inevitably arise when two families come together as one, a blended family can become stronger than ever Understanding the blended family Mark Said Veteran lawyer