Issue link: https://maltatoday.uberflip.com/i/191652
20 Opinion maltatoday, SUNDAY, 13 OCTOBER 2013 Selling the family silver? Selling Raphael Vassallo O K, let me try and work this one out for myself. It is now possible to acquire a Maltese passport for the modest sum of €650,000. Hmm. As it happens, I already have a Maltese passport (which is probably just as well, because I sure as hell don't have €650,000). So, now that a clear monetary value has been attached to this selfsame document… does this mean I can cash in my own Maltese passport for the same sum? Oh wait, mine's second-hand, so I guess it will have to sell for a little less. So how much can I expect for my Maltese citizenship? 200,000? 50,000? A free ticket to Adormidera, perhaps? Reason I ask is that this sudden, unexpected development comes at a time when I – not unlike a couple of EU countries out there, for example, Greece, Cyprus, Spain, etc. – could actually use a little cash injection. So I called the passport office this morning to enquire if there was any truth to the rumours that they were dishing out cheques for €650,000 in exchange for Maltese passports. "Mine is in very good condition," I informed the civil servant on the other end. "One owner, hardly used, still under warranty… and it even comes complete with a bio-genetic profile of my personal DNA, should anyone ever want to clone me for posterity." "Sorry," came the reply, "but you have clearly got the wrong number. This is the Passport Office, Valletta. What you're looking for is Mount Carmel Hospital, Attard. Now, if you don't mind, I have a whole queue of Eastern Europeans to politely inform that they can kiss my ass if they're expecting Maltese citizenship in the next, oh, four decades at the earliest. But thanks for calling anyway…" "Oh, but you don't understand," I replied. "You see, people like you might have been too busy to notice at the time, but in 2004 Malta joined this thing called the European Union (yes, I know, you'd never guess just by looking at the state of our roads, but I can assure you it's true). And the EU is a 'common market' which is supposed to be governed by these things called 'free market economic principles'. And look: according to European Directive 2πr/#08, there can be no discrimination when it comes to who can and cannot avail of products and/or services that are put up for sale in any community member state. "What this means in practice is that if I advertise a commodity on the market, I cannot pick and choose whom to sell it to. And if it is possible to buy a product at a certain price, it should, by definition, be just as possible to re-sell the same product at an agreed price to an interested buyer. Capish? "So, if a brand new Maltese passport costs €650,000… How much will you offer me for my old one?" This was more or the less the point at which I finally figured that the phone had been hung up on the other end. I don't know, maybe it was something I said. Ah well, looks like I won't be making the Forbes 100 list this year after all. Meanwhile the implications remain the same, whether or not the government which devised this scheme actually understands them. Maltese citizenship? That is now just another commodity that can be bought (but apparently not sold) on the market alongside Wrangler jeans, Barilla pasta and second-hand Japanese cars. There is however, a slight difference. Unlike ordinary commodities, Maltese citizenship cannot be acquired by any old consumer. Oh, no. The price tag limits clients to the broad category of 'filthy effing rich'; and apart from being able to afford €650,000 at the drop of a hat, prospective buyers are also expected to sit for an interview and convince a board of interrogators – all nicely hand-picked by the Home Affairs Minister – that they are 'reputable' and of 'good character'. Unlike ordinary commodities, Maltese citizenship cannot be acquired by any old consumer. Oh, no. The price tag limits clients to the broad category of 'filthy effing rich'