Issue link: https://maltatoday.uberflip.com/i/234240
20 Opinion maltatoday, SUNDAY, 29 DECEMBER 2013 The ultimate disaster movie Raphael Vassallo I t's official. Government is not holding talks with Paramount regarding the fate of the bus service after January 14: when its current operators Arriva will finally drive off into the sunset, without so much as an 'Arrivederci'. No, not with Disney either. Nor Universal Pictures. Nor New Line Cinema. Nor even 21st century F***-ups, as would have been altogether more appropriate. It seems that none of the major names in the motion picture business want to touch anything even remotely connected with the international public transport service from Hell. And I can't really say I blame them. Everything else that came into contact with Arriva in recent years – including a certain former Nationalist administration of government, as well as one or two farmhouses in Zebbug – seems to have ended up a smouldering wreck as a result. So despite the enormous propensity for blockbuster material – quite literally, I might add: a couple of blocks down my street were 'bus-ted' just the other week – there will be no 'Arriva: The Ultimate Disaster Movie' hitting the big screens any time soon. There may, however, be a few other things hitting them instead… especially if they're situated too close to a hairpin bend, and it keeps raining. What a pity, though. We were only just starting to make a name for ourselves in the international disaster movie business. And this one would have been by far the most disastrous since… Oh, Adormidera, I suppose. Just think about the potential for a moment. Not only do you have the same high-octane blend of Wild West bravado and emotionally charged vehicular violence last seen in The Fast and the Furious… but there's also pathos, drama, suspense… subtle (and unsubtle) political undertones… scenes of mass unrest and civil disorder… not to mention treachery, blackmail, fraud, daylight robbery… all in a movie that's only two and a half years long. And it's all high quality movie material, too. I have no doubt that Steven Spielberg would simply jump at the idea if it were properly pitched to him. Just tell him that the entire plot revolves around the plight of a woefully oppressed and abused minority – the Maltese commuter – which faces injustice, discrimination and orchestrated humiliation on a daily basis. Invite him to picture the massive crowd sequences (all easily filmed on location in Msida) in which thousands of fully-grown men are Invitation to TENDER MITA NOTIFIES THAT OFFERS WILL BE RECEIVED FOR: - Gov.mt Mobile Application Development Services – T109/13 Issued on: 20 December 2013 / Closing on: 12 February 2014 A clarification meeting will be held at MITA Gattard House, National Road, Blata l-Bajda on Wednesday 22 January 2014 at 10.00am (CET). - Provisions of Workstations Support Services for the Ministry for Gozo – T094/13 Issued on: 23 December 2013 / Closing on: 3 February 2014 - Provisions of Workstations Support Services for the Ministry for Health – T095/13 Issued on: 23 December 2013 / Closing on: 12 February 2014 - Provisions of Workstations Support Services for Schools in Malta – T096/13 Issued on: 23 December 2013 / Closing on: 19 February 2014 A clarification meeting will be held at MITA Gattard House, National Road, Blata l-Bajda on Tuesday 14 January 2014 at 10.00am (CET). Economic operators interested in participating in these call for tenders are to note that a workshop is being organised at the Centre for Development Research and Training (CDRT), San Salvatore Bastion, Sa Maison Road, Floriana on Friday, 10th January at 9.00am (CET). During this workshop, economic operators will have the opportunity to familiarise themselves with compiling and submitting a tender online. More information is available in the tender document. The above tenders are obtainable from the Electronic Public Procurement System (www.etenders.gov.mt) For further information, contact the Contracts Management Department 2123 4710 www.mita.gov.mt seen weeping and gnashing their teeth, as they wait for an Arriva bus that never actually arrives. Or, when it does finally arrive, will be the first of three consecutive buses of the same number, all equally overloaded and unable to take in any more passengers, while the next scheduled stop is tomorrow morning at nine… Not since Schindler's List has so much human misery and gut-wrenching desperation been encapsulated in a single cinematic experience. Come to think of it, Mel Gibson might be interested too. Just tell him it contains scenes of grueling, grisly violence, in which every last drop of an entire population's patience and endurance is slowly wrung out of it by means of an impossibly sadistic medieval torture device known as The Malta Transport Authority. Describe to him an imaginary scene which follows an increasingly tortuous route divided into a number of 'stages', only to culminate in the graphic crucifixion of an entire road network. Why, he'd be so excited he'd probably change the name of his own Biblical epic to The Passenger of the Chrysler… But you'd need a Jerry Bruckheimer for the action sequences: someone who can effortlessly balance suspense and horror with well-timed comic relief. Who else can pull off a live action stunt in which no fewer than three buses spontaneously combust when full of passengers, resulting