Issue link: https://maltatoday.uberflip.com/i/364850
Opinion 21 maltatoday, SUNDAY, 17 AUGUST 2014 trauma… Does anyone have any idea what sort of psychological damage having an unevenly clipped beard may cause to people with obsessive compulsive facial hair anxiet y disorder? There are studies which show that people with unkempt beards are more prone to psychosomatic f latulence attacks… Speaking of which… what about psychological damage? Why does it only have to be electrical appliances? I suffer from a little-known condition called 'tertiaterraphobia'. It's a fear of regressing to the Third World. Well, you can just imagine how circumstances like last Tuesday's can prompt anxiet y attacks and post-industrial stress disorder among people with my condition… Nah, that obviously won't work… so how about… the freezer! Of course! All those mountains of frozen foodstuffs, defrosted and re-frozen, all gone to waste! Hang on. Do I even have a freezer? I seem to remember that… yep, just as I thought: that second compartment in the big white thing in the kitchen looks like it might be a freezer. There's a tell-tale aura of ghostly luminescence around its edges. Only thing is I haven't actually opened it since… ooh, around the fall of the Berlin Wall, I would think… and who knows what unnamed horrors may now be lurking within…? As expected, it is sealed jam-tight with decades' worth of vacuum suction power, but nothing a crowbar can't handle. There. Now wait a minute for the thick pall of dry ice to thin out, and… my goodness, what have we here? Fish fingers, expired in 2004. A packet of sausages, which could just as easily be implements with which to demolish buildings. Half a loaf of sliced bread, that shatters like glass when picked up. Something that looks like… um… something… in a jar. All ruined. And ALL ENEMALTA'S FAULT! And let me guess. I still don't get any compensation, right? Not even a discount on my next bill? A free voucher from 'Candles'R'Us'? Nothing at all? Oh well. At least the lights haven't gone out this ti… 'compensation'? Speaking of which… what about psychological damage? Why does it only have to be electrical appliances? I suffer from a little-known condition called 'tertiaterraphobia'. It's a fear of regressing to the Third World YOUR FIRST CLICK OF THE DAY www.maltatoday.com.mt