Issue link: https://maltatoday.uberflip.com/i/416739
maltatoday, SUNDAY, 16 NOVEMBER 2014 22 As a child I was fascinated by cryptozoology. Not, mind you, that I knew what the word meant. I was altogether too taken up with stories about the Loch Ness Monster, Ogopogo, the Yeti, the Sasquatch and the Mapinguari of the Amazon jungle to ever bother with such terms as 'pseudo- science'. But of all the superstitions and childish fancies I have since irre- trievably lost, this one (unlike the monsters under the bed, whom I do not miss in the slightest) is the only one I remember with any fondness. I certainly no longer ' believe' in the existence of any of those mythical creatures… but yes, part of me does still want them to be, if not vindicated, at least explained in a way that satis- fies this irrational craving for the unreal. There is, however, a small snag. Not one of those myths is sup- ported by even a jot of reliable evidence. And in some cases, there isn't even a valid reason to believe in the existence of any- thing at all. The myth of the Loch Ness Monster, for instance, was artifi- cially created in 1934 by a photo- graph we now know, with absolute certainty, to have been a hoax. Prior to that date, the creature was literally the stuff of legend: it was featured in the chronicles of St Colombus, written at roughly the same time – and in much the same spirit - as Beowulf. There it would have remained, too, were it not for the publica- tion (in the Daily Mail, which is of course a paragon of quality journalism) of the celebrated 'surgeon's photo', which not only 'proved ' Nessie's existence, but also gave the creature its recog- nisable long neck and humped back… thus giving birth to the 'new' myth that Nessie was a sur- viving Plesiosaur that somehow avoided extinction 65 million years ago. Even without the later discovery, in 1975, that the monster in the photo was actually a toy dinosaur affixed to a toy submarine, we know enough about plesiosaurs to know that they were actually gregarious, surface-breathing reptiles. If there was a colony of plesiosaurs in Loch Ness, they would be as familiar an exam- ple of the Scottish fauna as The Famous Grouse. And if there was only one, it would have to be at least 65 million years old… Much the same applies to the Yeti. All indigenous peoples of the Himalayan region share a myth about a large ape-like creature inhabiting the wilder parts of central Asia. But the 'Abominable Snowman' craze only took hold of worldwide popular imagination in 1951, when British mountaineer Eric Shipton photographed a large and mysterious humanoid foot- print on an Everest expedition. It doesn't help much to know is that Shipton was also a notorious practical joker in his own right, and that 'footprints in the snow' are among the easiest articles of cryptozoological evidence to fake. Yet this is roughly the extent of the modern Yeti myth. There is not a single known photograph that even claims to be of a living specimen. Only an assortment of eye-witness accounts, most of which could just as easily be ex- plained by encounters with bears (more than one species to choose from) or langurs, which actually ARE apelike creatures inhabit- ing the Himalayas and have also evolved a tendency to hop around on their hind legs in the snow. You know, just to deceive all those pesky British mountaineers... In any case, what both these contemporary myths suggest is that it takes more than just folklore and wishful thinking to engender anything resembling a ' belief ' in the existence of the manifestly unreal. It also takes a good media PR stunt. Naturally, we do not have our own equivalent culture of cryp- tids here in Malta. Lake monsters are slightly hard to believe in, where what passes for a 'lake' is actually a reservoir that dries up to cracked and blistered mud for almost half the year. Wild, apelike hominids are perhaps occasion- ally observed in Buskett but only when there is a protest by hunters at the enforced closure of an autumn hunting season. Like so many other things, cryptozoology is a pseudoscientific luxury we are simply too small to afford. So instead, we have compen- sated with a seemingly insatiable appetite for the purely supernatu- ral. Ghosts. The Evil Eye. Fortune Tellers. Demonic possession. Marian apparitions. The Phantom Pothole Digger (for whose exist- ence, unlike the others, there is a mountain of irrefutable evidence) and so on. All of which very conveniently does not require any natural habi- tat or topographical feature that our country does not possess and, more significantly, leaves nothing in the way of physical evidence – footprints, excreta, tufts of fur in the undergrowth, etc. – that can be investigated. And just like the cryptid busi- ness, it also takes a good media PR stunt to get this particular show on the road. So this week, The Times carried an article about five young men (though no ages were actually specified) who have formed their very own crack ghost-busting outfit, complete with an electro-magnetic field meter but not, curiously, an Ectoplasm Disintegrator, or a Dweeb's vacuum trap, or even a Dimensional Compensator. Sort of makes you wonder what they'd do with a ghost if they actually encountered one… In any case, I can't deny that such fascinations are entirely understandable. I even admire their energy and zeal. But given our planet's long history of pseu- doscientific nonsense gaining entirely undeserved credence and recognition through unquestion- ing media exposure…. well, it sort of reminded me of the Shipton footprint, the Nessie photo, and the man in the gorilla outfit in northern California in 1967. I'm left with the feeling that it's not so much 'ghosts' that need to be busted here, but myths. Let's start with the video. A man named Emmanuel Cortis starts out by telling us that his team "in- vestigates paranormal activities". "We go to places that are haunted…" Whoah, hang on there, my fine ghostbusting friend. I was under the impression that you were in the investigation business. So how do you already know that a place is 'haunted ' before you've even conducted the investigation? Isn't that precisely what you're supposed to be in the business of finding out? Opinion Raphael Vassallo The Phantom of the Orpheum facebook.com/MalataRestaurant O p e n i n g H o u r s 0RQGD\6DWXUGD\/XQFK 'LQQHU Please contact us for our festive set menus. 3DODFH6TXDUH9DOOHWWD 5HVHUYDWLRQV T: 21233967 – M: 79207521 E: LQIR#PDODWDPDOWDFRP Malata Restaurant is now taking bookings for staff parties & Christmas events. What contemporary myths suggest is that it takes more than just folklore and wishful thinking to engender anything resembling a 'belief' in the existence of the manifestly unreal. It also takes a good media PR stunt