Issue link: https://maltatoday.uberflip.com/i/513060
maltatoday, SUNDAY, 17 MAY 2015 Opinion 22 I t's hard not to feel sorry for Michael Jackson sometimes. Not, mind you, that I was ever much of a fan myself – at least, not of his solo career (though I do have a soft spot for the Jackson Five. Who doesn't?). But when the chips are down, it remains a fact that no better dancer ever moon-walked this earth than the man who went on to be known as 'Wacko Jacko'. And because (let's face it) there is nothing – but NOTHING – more important in this world than a spot of dancing, Michael Jackson may yet be remembered as the single most important human being in world history. There. Been meaning to say that for years. I feel so much better now… But like I said, it's hard not to also feel sorry for Michael Jackson. Leaving aside the fact that he is dead – and that he died under such bizarrely pathetic circumstances, too – the sad truth is that his entire legacy has been hijacked and mutilated beyond recognition. And this week we were treated to a truly grotesque and spectacular reminder of exactly how and by whom this heinous crime was committed. Last Wednesday, the foreign ministers of the NATO countries met in Antalya, southern Turkey, to discuss strategies for dealing with Russia in the wake of the Ukraine crisis. Not exactly the sort of thing you'd associate with Michael Jackson, now is it? Yet somehow, the ghost of Wacko Jacko managed to put in an appearance all the same. At the end of what must have been a very boozy dinner, the military commanders and political bigwigs of the North Atlantic Treaty Organisation all stood up for a spot of impromptu drunken karaoke. And you'll never guess what song they chose for this bizarre end to a military convention. Yep, that's right: 'We Are the World': that sugary, honey-coated peace'n'love anthem composed by Michael Jackson and Lionel Ritchie to raise money for the victims of the Ethiopian famine in 1985. It was, in a nutshell, the scariest five minutes of video footage I have ever seen: almost straight out of Stanley Kubrick's 'Dr Strangelove, Or How I Learnt To Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb'. There they all were, arguably the most powerful and influential people in the world… some in suits and ties, others in military uniforms and bedecked in medals… all drunk as skunks, holding hands and swaying precariously on stage to an almost farcically tuneless chorus of: "We are the world, we are the children… We are the ones who make a brighter day, so let's start giving…" Yikes! And you don't even have to appreciate the overwhelming irony in the song choice – more of which in a moment – to feel decidedly uncomfortable watching that clip. It was like a compilation of every embarrassing wedding moment you've ever witnessed or heard of – like when the in-laws hit the dance floor after one or two whiskies too many… or when the father of the bride bursts into an overly emotional rendition of Frank Sinatra's 'My Way'… all rolled into one. Only much, much worse. In fact, not even Rowan Atkinson's performance in Four Weddings and a Funeral could possibly match this surreal spectacle for sheer cringe-worthiness and shudder. For yes, it is undeniably embarrassing when drunken relatives make complete pillocks of themselves at a wedding. But at the same time, it's also kind of understandable. Weddings are, after all, things to be celebrated. They are a venue for mirth, festivity and – sure, why not? – a little alcoholic stoogery, too. Dancing and singing are both an accepted part of that package… no matter how badly one dances or sings. Heck: if I ever get married, you can rest assured there will be murder and mayhem on the dance floor afterwards. Scary stuff. In fact, I might have to find myself a bride just to have an excuse for that John Travolta impersonation I've always dreamed of… But this? This was hardly a wedding reception, you know. And there wasn't much to celebrate, either. Quite the contrary: this was a high-level, urgent military convention aimed at taking intensely delicate decisions at a time when World War 3 hasn't seemed closer since the fall of the Berlin Wall. As for the people we saw making complete pillocks of themselves on that podium… well, they have their collective fingers on the Big Red Button. How reassuring is that? All it takes is for one of them to put a foot wrong (as they all did at several moments on that video) and… Ker-BOOM. It's sayonara in two micro- seconds… Meanwhile, dancing and singing are not exactly an accepted part of this particular package for other reasons, too. As you may imagine, the foreign ministers of NATO countries did not gather in Antalya to discuss Michael Jackson's greatest hits. They met to discuss the ongoing tensions with Russia... and one thing that emerged from the meeting was an agreement to forge special relations with two non-NATO countries – Sweden and Finland – through an exchange of intelligence and 'more military exercises'. This is how it was described in EuroActiv: "Sweden and Finland, neither of which belong to the US-led alliance, have been alarmed by increased Russian military activity in the Baltic Sea and by Moscow's actions in Ukraine… "The Russian Foreign Ministry said last month that moves by Finland and Sweden towards closer relations with NATO were of 'special concern'…" Oh, and there have already been covert military entanglements between the two Scandinavian countries and Russia: "The Finnish military fired underwater depth charges last month as a warning against a suspected [Russian] submarine while Sweden launched a major hunt I would like to receive the newspaper MaltaToday Midweek for a period of one year. Name & Surname.................................................................. Telephone: ........................................ Address ...................................................................................... E-mail: ........................................ FOR €42 YO YO Y U CAN RECEIVE THE MALTATO ECEIVE THE MALTATO ECEIVE THE MALTA DAY MIDWEEK, FOR A PERIOD OF ONE YEAR. SUBSCRIPTION FORM Send a cheque payable to MediaToday to: Subscriptions, MediaToday, Vjal il-Rihan, San Gwann, SGN 9016 The newspapers are delivered by post and therefore subject to the usual postal timings. Normally, MaltaToday midweek should arrive on the same day (Wednesday). SUBSCRIPTION FORM It's a choice we're Surreal spectacle: NATO leaders singing 'We Are the World' Raphael Vassallo