Issue link: https://maltatoday.uberflip.com/i/573382
maltatoday, SUNDAY, 20 SEPTEMBER 2015 24 I have no idea who came up with the brainwave of celebrating the Nationalist Party's 135th birthday by erecting a pair of makeshift goalposts right outside the House of Parliament. But whoever it was deserves an instant pay-rise. For you see: that's the same House of Parliament we hired the best architect in the world (at the highest possible cost) to design for us… and which, until a few weeks ago, was considered such a priceless artistic masterpiece, that we couldn't even bear the thought of sullying it with the presence of a temporary hot-dog stand in the vicinity. Well, it has now been reduced to the unofficial 'changing rooms' for a five-a-side amateur football tournament… by the same people (if you please) who had howled the loudest about aforementioned hot-dog stand: not to mention the plan to relocate the Valletta market to nearby Ordnance Street… i.e., even further from Piano's masterpiece than the PN chose to plonk its own goalposts and orange traffic cones. I mean, honestly: other countries would pay good money for a display of that sort of outrageous hypocrisy. It would be called 'political satire', and the commentary would probably be provided by TV host John Snow. But for once, let's resist the temptation to simply point out where and how (for the zillionth time) the PN has succeeded in contradicting itself in the space of a few weeks. For a change, let us pause to admire the sheer beauty of this latest own goal… for I think you'll find there is a certain symmetry, a certain subliminal 'je ne sais quoi', that makes of this latest cock-up a truly monumental work of art in its own right. Naturally, I can't confirm that this was indeed the intention behind the stunning visual message sent out by the PN this week: but intentionally or otherwise, the net result was to transform Malta's House of Parliament into a passive spectator of the sort of football match that screaming street urchins would play (traffic permitting) in every untidy corner of every town and village in Malta and Gozo. Off-hand, I just can't think of a more thoroughly suitable visual correlative for the state of local politics at the moment. It looks and feels exactly like a training ground for the youths' section of the local parish football club. For not only does the game of football in itself blend well with the game of politics – for reasons I shall come to in a sec – but even the choice of 'moveable goalposts' and 'orange plastic cones' seems to underscore that what we are ultimately dealing with here is something intrinsically amateur in scope. By inviting comparisons with schoolyard football antics, the image only reinforces the point that we can expect precisely the same stamp of schoolyard dilettantism from political parties, too. And sure enough, that is exactly how political parties have come round to behaving in the early 21st century: loudly crying 'foul' at every opportunity, and always running to complain to the 'referee' (be it the European Commission, the local regulator, the law courts, etc.) in the event that a 'decision' does not go their way. But subliminally, the PN's impromptu football pitch in Valletta touches upon a far deeper psychological connection with the not-so-beautiful game. It also illustrates the point that it is not just political parties which generally behave like football teams in this country. Their supporters, too, are very often indistinguishable from your average football fan... and sometimes from your average football hooligan. In both scenarios, you will find that 'loyalty to the club' is a question of irrational dogma. Over the years I have heard countless people say things like, 'I was born a Nationalist/Labourite, and will die a Nationalist/ Labourite!'… in exactly the same tone as others might say: "I was born a Juventus/Man U supporter, and will die a Juventus /Man U supporter!"… even though we all know that this is complete nonsense. The truth is that not a single human being in world history has ever been 'born' a football fan or political supporter. On the contrary, every last one of the seven billion specimens currently on this planet was actually born a blind, naked, screaming baby, with no inkling whatsoever of the existence of either 'politics' or 'football'… or indeed of anything at all, except perhaps their own empty stomachs. But then again, it is pointless expecting rationality and accuracy when dealing with this sort of brainless emotional attachment. Political supporters are neither rational not truthful when talking about politics: otherwise you wouldn't hear them defending their beloved party even in the face of inexcusable behaviour… in exactly the same way as a diehard football fan would angrily object to a referee's decision during a game. "No way was that offside, ref!" you'll hear a typical football fan shout during a European Cup qualifier or a Champion's League quarter final. And even when the Action Replay subsequently shows that… erm... yep, that was a very clear-cut case of offside there: from every conceivable angle, the linesman had no other realistic option but to raise the flag and annul the goal… still, the dark mutterings will continue for the rest of the match. 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