Issue link: https://maltatoday.uberflip.com/i/1065920
24 maltatoday | SUNDAY • 23 DECEMBER 2018 OPINION Raphael Vassallo The Malta Police Commissioner-for- Europe Show OK, so in my last article I promised I was going to write about Malta's selection process for Police Commissioners this Sunday. And you might be thinking: hang on a second… what the heck is so 'Christ- massy' about that? The short answer, of course, is 'nothing at all'. But when I made that commitment (i.e., last Tuesday), it hadn't yet occurred to me that 'Christ- mas Day' was going to be the day after tomorrow. In fact, I've only just found out it's the 21st today. I could have sworn that it was still the eleventh only yesterday: which means that, by my reckoning, today should really be… hang on a sec while I open up my online calculator… the 12th. So my biological clock must be off by around… um… let's just say, a whole bunch of days. How the heck did that even happen? Only two possibilities spring to mind. (Actually, three: there's also the one about me being a bit of a twit some- times… but I imagine you all worked that out for yourselves a long time ago). One, I might suffer from a mild form of nu- merical dyslexia, which causes me to read numbers back-to- front. It explains why I mistook '21' for '12'…. and possibly also why I have never actually man- aged to get through to anyone on the telephone in my entire life, even once. (I mean, it's a bit difficult to get the hang of all this new-fangled technol- ogy, when you were actually born in the year 1791…) Two… you know how they say that "time flies when you're having fun"? Well, I must be enjoying myself so goddamn much these days, that three whole weeks flashed by in what felt like only a few hours. And if I carry on at this rate, why, I'll be 49 in no time when all… when I'm only 74 today. So that's one New Year's Resolution already in the bag: I must try and figure out what it is I'm having so much fun do- ing these days… and do a little less of it, so maybe time would start flying by at a somewhat more reasonable speed. All the same, however: a promise is a promise (and my fingers were on the keyboard, so they couldn't have been crossed). Now, I know how much this is going to disap- point you all out there…. hav- ing spent no less than 563 days since last year, eagerly antici- pating my traditional, soppy 'message for the Christmas season' sort of article. For that's another thing they say: 'Christmas is the season to inexplicably transform into some kind of pious, po-faced, moralistic little twerp' (but only for the duration of the fes- tive season: after that, everyone goes right back to being a jerk as usual). You know, remind- ing everyone about the 'true spirit of Christmas' (sick bags are stowed beneath your seats); and how important it is, at this time of year, to also 'reflect on those who are more needy than you' (especially while order- ing the next round at the bar: I happen to be 'needy' of a little Christmas spirit myself, if you catch my drift…) But painful as it is to have to disappoint so many faith- ful readers… there will be no Christmas moralising this year. At least, not from me. So the selection of Police Commis- sioners it is (and let's look on the bright side: it's something so many of you have been whining and moaning about all year round anyway). As you might remember, the latest entity to join this chorus of 'tut-tuts' and 'tsks-tsks' was the Council of Europe: which issued a report lambasting our present system of 'appoint- ment by the Prime Minister', and instead recommending that we choose our Police Commissioners by 'some form of public competition'. Naturally, I think that's an ab- solutely fabulous idea... I mean, who wouldn't? Public competi- tions are a lot of fun. And for a change, the fun and games wouldn't be limited only to a handful of powerful politicians or industry moguls: no, in the true spirit of democracy, we'd all get a chance to participate… by televoting, for instance. But we'll get to the details soon enough. First, however, let us ask ourselves why the Council of Europe doesn't extend such a fascinating concept to the selection criteria for ALL the commissioners, presidents, directors, chairpersons, execu- tive managers (or whatever) of all the world's most powerful political, financial and indus- trial giants. If a 'public compe- tition' is the right and proper way to go about making that sort of appointment… why re- serve the best system possible only for Maltese Commission- ers? Isn't that a bit unfair on all other international institu- tions… including, naturally, the Council of Europe itself? Take the International Mone- tary Fund, for instance: part of the so-called 'troika' that con- tributed so much to the evis- ceration of the Greek economy in recent years. I think it's fair to say that their policies and decision can have pretty seri- ous, real-world consequences on the countries they affect; yet you never hear any suggestions to change the fact that "the IMF's 24-member Executive Board is responsible for select- ing the Managing Director" (to quote from its homepage): and even then, according to its own internally established selection criteria. Yet when it comes to Malta's Police Commissioner – whose actions or decisions have no effect whatsoever on anyone at all, beyond the not-so long arm of Maltese law – suddenly, our equally non-transparent and undemocratic appointment system somehow becomes a 'threat to democracy'. I can only conclude that my appraisal of Lawrence Cuta- jar's actual importance in the scheme of things must have been as far off-track as my sense of time. He must be a truly world-renowned, global potentate of pan-galactic proportions, to deserve more urgent attention from the Council of Europe than the movers and shakers of Europe itself… All the more reason, then, that we select our Commis- sioners with greater care in future. I mean, we wouldn't want our choice to accidentally precipitate an international financial crisis, and threaten the entire fabric of Western civilization as we know it… now would we? But the question remains. 'Public competition'. What sort of contest would be suitable for judging the capabilities of a potential Maltese Com- missioner of Police? The first step, I suppose, would be to determine what those capabili- ties actually are. And it's a little tricky, seeing as how Maltese Police Commissioners are ap- pointed behind closed doors to begin with…. and unlike other police jurisdictions elsewhere, are never (or very, very rarely) called upon to give any public account of what they do… to respond to criticism, for instance, or give updates on important cases. So I'm guessing that 'keeping a low profile' has to be high on the selection criteria list. Contestants would have to ex- hibit deftness and ingenuity in dodging the attention of nosy journalists, and demonstrate their proficiency at giving eva- sive, non-committal answers to very direct, specific questions. And judging by the perfor- mance of all Malta's recent Po- lice Commissioners to date… or at least the ones I remem- ber: which means five in the past four years… other abili- ties might include the skillful failure to ever investigate cases pointing in blatantly political directions; the inclusion of the Office of the Prime Minister in all the Police's major decisions I can only conclude that my appraisal of Lawrence Cutajar's actual importance in the scheme of things must have been as far off-track as my sense of time