Issue link: https://maltatoday.uberflip.com/i/1517916
5 Unity SUNDAY 24 MARCH 2024 Prof. Marceline Naudi Lecturer, Department of Gender and Sexualities OUR society still operates on the traditional gender stereotypes… Although much has been done to at- tempt to eradicate these sexist stereo- types, and although on paper it would appear that a lot has changed, at the end of the day, these stereotypes con- tinue to form a sub-stratum, just below the surface, which seeps upwards and continues to affect our lives in many different ways… The stereotypes tell us that, in het- erosexual relationships, the man is the provider, the breadwinner and that the woman is the carer, the nur- turer. This latter translates into be- ing responsible for all the housework (physical and emotional), the wellbe- ing of the children, the other family members (ageing parents, in-laws), etc. Of course, many people today will say, this is no longer the case… Many of the women also work outside the home, some part time and some full time, so they too contribute to the household income – and indeed this is correct. And some of the men al- so help with the house chores – this too is correct. However, the default responsibility for the household and all who sail in it remains firmly on the woman. In Maltese we use expres- sions like, 'Jaħsilli l-art' or 'Jonxorli l-ħwejjeġ' which clearly demonstrate where the responsibility is seen to lie. Now… these stereotypes affect us often without us even being con- scious of them. They are subtle and insidious – they affect how we see things, our perceptions, our realities, the way we live our lives… So whether you occupy the lower rungs of society's hierarchy, or the higher rungs, a care assistant or a psychiatrist or a judge, you are likely to be affected by this 'unconscious bi- as'. This would probably mean that as a mother, as a wife, you do everything you have to do for the wellbeing (physical and emotional) of your chil- dren and spouse, even if you also have employment outside the home, be- cause your primary responsibility is the home, as befits a 'good' mother/ wife. And if you are a father you may do less in the 'home' because your primary responsibility is bringing the money in, as befits a 'good' father/ husband. When relationships crash and burn, as sometimes they do, the stereotypes still continue to affect our lives… So most people would consider and per- ceive a woman, as opposed to a man, as the main nurturer, carer of little children – they would perceive her as the best option for the children. And indeed they would often also be cor- rect in that assumption… Whilst each relationship/family is unique in some ways, there are also many other ways in which they are similar. If mummy has been the one mainly doing the cooking, feeding, ensuring clean uni- forms and sports stuff, looking after sick children, helping with the home- work, listening to worries and fears, etc. then mummy is probably the best option to mainly continue do- ing so… If daddy has not really been very present in the children's lives, then should he expect to get 'equal access' now that the relationship has crashed? What about what's best for the children? They are already hav- ing to deal with many changes, un- certainties, etc. – should we add to them? If, however, on the other hand, daddy had been carrying a fair share of responsibility for the doing of the 'house' and caring stuff, then that's different… then enabling him to con- tinue to do so should make the chil- dren's lives easier. We also know, of course, that some- times relationships crash and burn just because they do, because people change, or life happens, but some- times they crash and burn because bad things were happening within them, such as domestic violence and abuse. And in our society, where tra- ditional gender stereotypes still hold sway, where men are seen as the lead- ers, as the heads of households, the controllers, then it's not surprising that domestic violence (of all types: physical, emotional, coercive control, economic, sexual etc.) continues to exist. In such cases we really need to be super-careful… Persons who are abusive towards their partners, espe- cially in the presence of children, do not generally make good nurturers of children… And this regardless of their gender, though we also know, as research clearly shows, that men are disproportionally the perpetrators, and women disproportionally the victims in cases of intimate partner violence (IPV). So in the vast majority of cases of IPV we need to look out for the chil- dren's wellbeing, which should al- ways come before the wishes or wants of the parents. And abusive persons will at times continue their abuse and control through the court system – and try to camouflage this as parental concern. That this happens, we know, and this shows flagrant disregard for the children they are professing to love. So… it's not as simple as to say men are discriminated against in family court in relation to access or custody, etc. of children. Yes, sometimes they are – and this is down to the unconscious bias which tends to be found within us all, in- cluding judiciary and other legal pro- fessionals – but often this is not done with intent to discriminate, but rath- er through a lack of awareness of the way the stereotypes affect us. Women encounter discrimination in all the different aspects of their lives – again often due to unconscious bias. But using the court system to fur- ther perpetrate abuse on your part- ner, and using your children to do so, that is done with intent, and not with unconscious bias – and that should never be tolerated in a court of law! against