Issue link: https://maltatoday.uberflip.com/i/1453707
maltatoday | SUNDAY • 20 FEBRUARY 2022 OPINION 10 Raphael Vassallo OPINION No amount of 'cosmetic surgery' can disguise the rape of Xlendi I feel I know Roger Tirazona well enough, to steal one of his Face- book comments as a springboard for an (entirely unrelated) article of my own. For yes: while this article will, eventually, deal with the 'rape of Xlendi'… I will approach the top- ic much in the same way as one approaches that secluded (and once-picturesque) Gozitan sea- side village itself. That is to say, by the longest, and most mean- dering route imaginable… … a discussion about last Thursday's 'Malta Song For Eu- rope Festival'. So without further ado, this was Roger Tirazona's online re- action to that show. "My single Eurovision comment: Malta can produce some amazing voices… our hit and miss are definitely song-writing and fashion de- sign…" Now: in case you have no idea who Roger is… let's just say, for the purposes of this article, that he's an accomplished singer in his own right. And for this rea- son alone, I would happily accept his verdict on the matter of 'voic- es' and 'song-writing'… even if I didn't wholeheartedly agree with him anyway (which I do). But 'fashion design'? That's a whole different ball-gown... I mean, game. No offence to Roger, of course: but just as I wouldn't dare question his ex- pertise on musical matters… I have no doubt he will likewise concede that my own flair for fashion – not to mention impec- cable dress sense – far exceeds his own, or anyone else's in the known Universe. [Note: that al- so explains my habit of changing attire so infrequently. I mean: if what you're wearing is so dash- ingly stylish, that it just can't pos- sibly be improved upon, in any conceivable way… why bother ever changing image at all?] And so, on the basis of my own, universally-acknowledged con- noisseurship of Haut Couture… I shall have to disagree with Rog- er, when it comes to the fashion part. Far from being 'hit and miss'… I would say it was most- ly 'hit'; and not only that: but it was mostly 'hit'… with 'whips'… 'chains'… 'black-leather bondage gear'… the whole 'Bring-Out- The-Gimp' shebang! In fact, I was only half-joking when I uploaded a small Face- book comment of my own: "If, instead of a 'song contest', you look at it as a 'BDSM fashion show'… the standards are actu- ally quite high". Because it's true, you know: I even conducted a statistical analysis of all 24 en- tries last Thursday... and it turns out that: Of the 24 acts on offer, 17 prominently featured the colour BLACK (if not worn by the main performer – though it was, in 14 of the 17 – then by the accom- panying dancers, or as an overall backdrop theme); And of those 17, 13 – more than half the entire list – made liberal use of tight-fitting, black leather garments (or accessories)… in- cluding at least one who seemed to be in full, authentic, 9th centu- ry Viking armour: complete with trusty two-handed battle-axe, etc. Lastly, I can't help but note that this overwhelming preponder- ance of BLACK, as a (literally) 'dominant' theme, happened to match very nicely with the col- our-scheme of the entire event itself: a deep, dark blue back- drop, intermittently illuminated by soft, pretty pink… And let's face it: none of this is likely to be a coincidence, is it? (I mean: three contestants wearing more or less the same Halloween costume, I'd more or less under- stand. But… 17 out of 24?!) All of which leads me to believe that the 'fashion design' for this year's Malta Song For Europe was, well… 'planned'. It was all cho- reographed, co-ordinated, and even colour-coded – down to each individual dress, and each individual dance-move – to im- part a single, agreed-upon 'fash- ion statement' of its own. Now: this is the point where I'm almost tempted to abandon our scheduled trip to Xlendi, because… let's face it, there are some questions in life that are just too darn mind-boggling, to simply drive past without stop- ping. And one them of is… um… Why? What? How? Wherefore? I mean, seriously, guys: what the HECK was the whole idea even supposed to be, anyway? To turn this year's 'Malta Song For Eu- rope Festival', into a backdrop for 'Fifty Shades of Grey: The Musical'?? Sadly, however, not even my own superior fashion expertise can possibly hope to answer that one. (But hey! The comments board below is open, so… knock yourselves out!) All I'll say, for now, is that part of the reason may well have been to 'dazzle' the audience with a 'glitzy' and 'glamorous' (more like 'kinky' at times, but never mind) spectacle… so as to com- pensate, perhaps, for the 'hit- and-miss' quality of all the oth- er things this show was actually meant to be highlighting. And, well, what do you know? It seems they took the exact same approach with their little 'pic- ture-postcard' snippets of Gozo, too (See? I told you we'd get to Xlendi in the end…) For it wasn't just the col- our-scheme: the organisers al- so copied the Eurovision Song Contest in at least one other de- tail – the inclusion of little 'tour- ist-brochure' videos, in between songs, to advertise picturesque corners of (in this case) Gozo. Again: exactly WHY they would choose to do this, remains a little unclear. In Eurovision's case, the idea is simply to show- case each contestant's national home-country, to an audience which may be unfamiliar with those particular destinations. But as the name suggests: the 'MALTA Song For Europe Festi- val' is (and can only be) watched by a Maltese audience: that is to say, an audience which… erm… already knows perfectly well what Gozo looks like, thank you very much. (I mean, we've only been holidaying there, around twice a year, pretty much all our lives…) Ah, but that's the problem with PR stunts such as these: they have a tendency to backfire, from time to time. It is precisely because we, the Maltese televi- sion audience (which includes Gozitans, by the way), 'know