Issue link: https://maltatoday.uberflip.com/i/1540302
THERE are tragedies which strike at the very core of the entire nation, and over this last week, we had not one, but two such tragedies. On Thursday 2 October, two Maltese couples who were on vacation in Cro- atia, lost their lives when their car ca- reened off a coast road and plunged 70 metres into the sea. And on Thursday 9 October came the chilling news that a one-year-old baby had died, after he was left in a parked car at the Mater Dei car park for a number of hours. I'm not going to go into any more de- tails because there are inconsolable, grieving families out there, still coming to terms with their unbearable loss. But I am going to turn the lens on the public's reactions, particularly in the case of the baby boy. It is understandable that this news would send shock waves throughout the country: The death of a child is some- thing so terrifying, so unthinkable, that on hearing about it, parents everywhere clutch and hug their own children in fear, with their minds immediately and instinctively descending into that black hole of dread—what if it were to happen to me? To be fair, I would say around 90% of the comments I read were compassion- ate, sympathetic and full of empathy for the mother; you could practically touch the shared pain of those who wrote gen- tle, soothing words, weeping and griev- ing as if they had lost their own child. Anyone who has raised children and experienced the mind-numbing exhaus- tion and whirlwind chaos which comes with it (especially if one is juggling a full- time job) simply counted their blessings and said, 'there but for the grace of God, go I". The remaining 10% however, could re- ally use a course entitled "knowing when to zip it". I won't go so far as to say that they were being intentionally hateful, or even cruel but simply thoughtless and reckless with their glib comments. There is something just too tanta- lisingly accessible about FB which we carry around in our pocket and hand- bag, which we can whip out at any time whether at a coffee shop or in a queue and which so many log on to the min- ute they get into their office (you can tell by the amount of online activity during a weekday as opposed to the weekend). It seems some feel a compulsive need to hastily comment under every single story with every little thought that pops into their head. If it's something like cur- rent events, no harm is done, but with such tragedies, one needs to have a filter, and weigh one's words carefully, think about the families who might be read- ing it and how they must be feeling as they grapple with their trauma and what must feel like a never-ending nightmare. There is a lot to be said for keeping certain opinions, conjectures and spec- ulation to yourself or (if you really must) say it privately to your friends. Why this urge to type it publicly for everyone to read? And why are some people more prone to being judgemental and criti- cal towards others online, ready to kick someone when they are already down in such an inconsiderate way? As with most things there is a psycho- logical explanation for this behaviour. According to clinical psychologist Dr Saima Muhammad Nawaz, the most common reasons are: Anonymity – People who don't have to reveal their identity feel freer to say things they wouldn't say in person. Projection – They may make negative comments to project their insecurities and deflect attention away from their flaws. Displaced aggression – Social media can allow people to release their pent-up emotions of anger and frustration. Narcissism – Some people may make negative comments to boost their ego, putting others down; they may feel like they are elevating themselves. Power and control – It gives them a sense of power and control. They may feel like they are exerting their influence over others and getting a reaction. Social comparison – Some people need to bring others down to make them- selves feel better. Attention-seeking – They may feel ig- nored or invisible in their real lives, and making negative comments on social media can give them the attention they crave. There were many who suggested that when there are stories about trag- ic deaths, news portals should disable comments under their articles when shared on FB. There is a lot to be said for that approach and maybe that is what is needed to clamp down on uncalled for, hurtful comments. On the other hand, I feel there is also a responsibility to monitor such pages because a handful of remarks which are out of line should not prevent others who may wish to say something meaningful. Because, the truth is, there was also a lot of very valid, insightful commen- tary following this tragedy which we as a country, and especially our leaders, should be paying attention to. In short, there were many who spoke about the need to shed a light on what kind of lifestyle we are actually living; a lifestyle which still puts the heavy load and responsibility of caring for children mostly on the mother, irrespective of whether she works outside the home or not. We need to examine whether par- ents these days are actually "living" or whether they are simply on automatic pilot, rushing around, often running on empty, and completely worn out and shattered by fatigue. How long can wea- ry parents keep up the rat race of trying to do it all, when everything is pointing to a situation which is at breaking point? Last week I wrote about what might be contributing to our low fertility rate, and of course there was a lot more that could be said. One topic which deserves a whole article on its own is whether women can really have it all. I used to think they could, but I was younger then and lacked life experience. As the years rolled by and I could witness the heavy toll which juggling career and family has had on women, I reluctantly came to the conclusion that we can have it all, but not all at the same time. Of course, I hasten to add, that fathers come into this equation as well. In short, one of the parents should be given the opportunity to stay home with very young children. While free childcare has helped a lot and is crucial for single parent families who have no support, there should be other options available as well. Whether this is done through government incen- tives or whether the couple themselves plan for it by setting aside some savings to cover the loss of income. There is no denying that those first few years are crucial. They benefit not only the child, but particularly the mother (for obvious reasons) who will have less stress and pressure to 'bounce back' and get back to work. Of course I know that there will be those who will say surviving on one in- come is impossible these days, but some- thing has got to give. There are too many burnt-out mothers and stressed out fa- thers out there. As a society, as a culture, as a nation, we really need to stop, take stock and decide what really matters. It seems some feel a compulsive need to hastily comment under every single story with every little thought that pops into their head 3 maltatoday | SUNDAY • 12 OCTOBER 2025 OPINION Josanne Cassar It won't hurt you to bite your tongue She has worked in the field of communications and journalism for the last 30 years