Issue link: https://maltatoday.uberflip.com/i/302202
maltatoday, SUNDAY, 27 APRIL 2014 Opinion 20 I s it just me, or has this country started turning into an extended remix of Queen's greatest hits ever since that Brian May concert last month? Either we're all going slightly mad, or there's a kind of magic in the air: the sort of magic that makes people do and say remarkably stupid things… especially as they vow, like Freddie before them, to 'keep fighting till the end'. OK, a small disclaimer before proceeding. I know that 'saying stupid things' is not exactly a novel phenomenon in this country of ours… or indeed any where else. And yes, I am also aware that people have (or are supposed to have) a right to say whatever they like, regardless how potty or nonsensical. Freedom of expression, after all, also means the freedom to talk out of one's backside. I would be the last person to argue against this right… partly because it would also be a case of arguing myself out of a job. But there are reasonable limits of decency to take into account. And besides: there is only so much bullshit that can actually be put up with, before we end up with a situation where the law exists only to uphold insanity, and only to defend the indefensible. OK, now onto the matter at hand. As some you might have guessed from the constant sound of gunfire in the distance – or from the dead or injured birds landing in their backyards – the spring hunting season is currently in full swing. And along with the usual assortment of migratory birds, this year we have also had an abnormally high inf lux of foreign busybodies telling us what to do. First it was former Queen guitarist Brian May; then BBC journalist Chris Packham; now it's former 'Goodies' comedian Bill Oddie. All these people, and a few more beside, have f locked here from northern Europe to complain about or local tradition of killing birds in spring… specifically, as they migrate northwards over Malta in order to nest in their home countries of northern Europe. Yes, you read right. Filthy, pesky foreigners, coming here and presuming to tell us all what to do. Informing us – like they have any authority in the matter – that it is neither nice nor neighbourly of us to carry on decimating their own countries' native wildlife at its most vulnerable stage of its reproductive cycle. I mean, honestly, whatever next? But in this case, the crime has been greatly aggravated by an extenuating factor. According to the hunters' federation, these people are not merely 'foreign'. They are also (shock, horror)… English. And that fact alone, of course, should put a permanent lid on the entire issue. They're English, for crying out loud! They should be too busy eating fish and chips with mushy peas to trouble themselves with the goings-on in a tiny former colony of their long- forgotten empire. But no! Not only do celebrity English rockstars and comedians have nothing better to do than interfere in Malta's cherished traditions – 'cherished', that is, by around 5% of the population – but they even send infiltrators to occupy such 'local' posts as Birdlife Malta director… who also happens to be an Englishman named Steve Micklewright. And what is this, if not a blatant conspiracy to undo some 50 years of Independence, and simply turn the clock back to Colonialist times when 'the Inglizi' decided everything on our behalf? Of course, there is a tiny little f ly in that particular ointment. One of the more regular visitors among these f locks of busybodies is something called the 'Campaign Against Bird Slaughter'. And it isn't English. It's actually German. But that's OK, because the hunters issue separate press releases about that lot. In their case, the argument becomes: they're Germans, for heaven's sake! Shouldn't they be busy invading Poland or something? Don't they have anything better to do… like drinking Pilsener, or administering the occasional concentration camp? And on it goes. I imagine if the next foreign busybody happens to be Japanese, he or she will be curtly reminded of Pearl Harbour (or, more pointedly, Hiroshima) and likewise advised to drift off and commit hara kiri somewhere. If American, they will be reminded of the Iraq or Vietnam or Korean war, and told to stuff their face with a Big Mac and simply shut up. This, you see, is the extent of what passes for an 'argument' among the hunting community. And I say 'hunting community' because these arguments are not f loated by the occasional, random hunter of the 'Rubber Jollies' variety (in which case it would normally be quite entertaining). Oh no. This sort of argument comes directly from the official hunters' representatives themselves, who are also lobbying at both government and European level. It is, in fact, the FKNK's official stand to simply lay into anyone or anything who dares criticise spring hunting… and, in true blunderbuss fashion, they will discharge everything they've got in their double barrels, in one fusillade of unmitigated nonsense. But there is more. Apart from being foreign – bad enough as it is, I would have thought – these trespassing busybodies are also 100% right. And this, of course, makes it so much harder for the hunters to endure their interference. One can, after all, always find an excuse for not being Maltese ('hey, it's not my fault my parents were filthy disgusting foreigners', etc.). But to be foreign and right, when the hunters are Maltese and wrong? That is both intolerable and unforgivable. It is easy to see why, too. Arguments which are ludicrous or absurd can always be countered with logic and common sense. But when your detractors are correct – pinpointing exactly why, where and how the concept of a spring hunting season is a perversion of all known standards of wildlife conservation – it sort of forces you to confront the sheer absurdity of your own position. Raphael Vassallo We're going slightly mad…