Issue link: https://maltatoday.uberflip.com/i/1544495
FOR a long time, I have noticed a trend which is now verging on the ridiculous—the over-use of certain words which has ren- dered them almost meaningless. Take 'toxic'—of course, there are evil people in this world, as well as harmful relationships and overly stressful work environ- ments which could be described as such, but when the term is used relentlessly and almost at random the power of the word becomes diluted. If someone doesn't agree with you, or stands up to you, that person is not toxic; you simply do not get along. And yet I see it used over and over again, especially by those who relish playing the victim, be- lieving that the world has done them wrong. Woe is me, boo hoo! I'm also uncomfortable with the terms 'toxic masculinity' and 'toxic positivity'; the first because it is an exaggeration when you could simply say the guy is a big jerk and if it's sexual harassment or violence, why not just say so, rather than using this glib blanket phrase? As for the second, there is noth- ing wrong with being positive and the fact that it has been twisted to mean something negative just shows how much we need more positivity. If you don't like some- one who is constantly chirpy and cheerful, just don't hang out with them, move along, unfollow their posts. It's really not that hard. Frankly, this determination to clamp down on attitudes which do not tally with ours is becom- ing very wearying. 'Toxic' does have a place in our discourse to describe specific behaviour but it should be used sparingly otherwise it will be dis- missed as an over-reaction and thus, not worthy of notice. What I have concluded is that we seem to be losing the ability to not see eye to eye and just leave it at that; instead, there have to be labels and accusations and hyperbole. This was brought home to me a while ago during a programme by Oprah Winfrey about family estrangement during which she interviewed both parents and adult children who have been es- tranged for many years. The word 'toxic' came up so fre- quently that it became decidedly irritating. If one sets aside a few of the really genuine cases where the estrangement was under- standable and probably healthier, what I saw were adult children who were stamping their feet be- cause they did not get their own way about something; or else who did not agree with their par- ents' viewpoint. In the cases where the parents had cut off the children it was mostly due to perceived or re- al hurts, or because they disap- proved of the way the children were living their lives. In the two scenarios, it seemed to me that both sides were more intent on being right than having a relationship, which is a pity in a cold, uncaring world where we need our families more than ev- er. It is also worrying that there are therapists who advocate 'cutting off' family members as a solution to disagreement rather than encouraging ways to find mutual understanding and com- mon ground. Cutting everyone off means lonely birthdays and dreading the festive season be- cause instead of bringing joy it becomes a stark reminder that you cannot even organise a family lunch because you have no more family to speak of. That sounds like a grim, bleak future to me. During this programme, that over-used word 'trauma' also featured greatly. It's unfathoma- ble to me how many people have experienced childhood trau- ma—everywhere you look this is another phrase which is used ad nauseam. This is not to deny that some have lived through real traumatic events. Of course, they have, but I also feel that it is ban- died about so liberally that even a well-deserved scolding or disci- pline by a parent is now described as 'traumatic'. If you ask me, we need to get back to some good old-fashioned discipline if we want to prevent more incidents like the recent one in the news, where a gang of young teenagers badly beat up a boy in his own garage to steal his scooter, leaving him with a fractured eye socket, a fractured nose and other injuries. They al- so filmed the beating and shared it between them on a group chat. What these bullies did to that poor boy is real trauma. 'Toxic' and 'trauma' are potent words but by mis-using them it is leading to what is called semantic bleaching, where the word loses its original, severe meaning. It is also a lazy way out when it comes to dealing with one's issues be- cause rather than striving to be more tolerant and accepting of different opinions, we simply slap a derogatory label on others and shut the door. Which brings me to 'narcissist', a word which is very popular among many women when de- scribing their ex-boyfriend, part- ner or husband. Are there narcissists among us? Obviously yes, and there are countless podcasts by renowned experts such as Dr Ramani, a clin- ical psychologist who has made it her life's work to extensively deal with this topic and how to rec- ognise the signs. But despite her expertise, even she is cautious about the label, and cautions lis- teners not to use the word lightly because, as it happens, everyone probably has a few narcissistic traits. In fact, she often prefers using narcissistic personality dis- order. I always find it fascinating when someone immediately starts describing their ex as narcissis- tic only to find, when digging a bit deeper, that the person is completely oblivious to the fact that they are actually describing themselves. It is a complex term which encompasses a number of different aspects of a personality and yet it is often used as a throw- away insult when a relationship ends badly. I suppose it is easier to shift the blame on the oth- er party for the reason it didn't work out, rather than accept the fact that in most cases both sides have to bear responsibility for the break-up. Over-using these three words is not helpful because ultimately it means we are not working on ourselves. If you are truly in a tox- ic situation, the answer is to get out of it, fast. If you have endured trauma you need to go to thera- py but also to learn to let go and move on rather than picking on the scab and remaining stuck for- ever. And if you are dealing with a narcissist, it means you need to set boundaries and stop being sucked in by their demands. La- bels, words and phrases can only do so much. In the end you have to take action to prevent yourself from repeating words on a loop and never really solving anything. 3 maltatoday | SUNDAY • 19 ARPIL 2026 OPINION Josanne Cassar She has worked in the field of communications and journalism for the last 30 years Toxic, trauma and narcissist… enough of these buzzwords, please Labels, words and phrases can only do so much. In the end you have to take action to prevent yourself from repeating words on a loop and never really solving anything