Issue link: https://maltatoday.uberflip.com/i/782193
maltatoday, SUNDAY, 5 FEBRUARY 2017 24 Opinion No money, but plenty of chicks for free... W ell, one thing's for sure. Suddenly, it's become a good time to land a job as a NET News reporter. Oh, never mind that until a few months ago, the party was so broke it couldn't actually afford to pay your salary every other month. Money isn't everything, you know. Just think of the perks. Before, it was always the same- old press conferences, about the same-old boring rubbish, followed by the same-old coffee at same-old Pjazza Regina. Now, as a proud NET News reporter, you can travel to a leading European destination on the company account, all expenses paid... and you even get a free visit to the local whorehouse thrown in for good measure! I mean, what could possibly beat that? It's like an advert for 'the best job in the world' in the Classified section of 'The Lad Bible'. There are people who would willingly cut off their own testicles to get a job like that, you know. Erm, no, wait... their ear- lobes: they would willingly cut off their ear-lobes. I bet that, even as I write, NET TV is getting flooded with CVs (complete with character references from established international pimps and porn- stars) from balding, middle-aged perverts, all claiming to be 'reporters' specialising in the long-distance visual recognition of tattoos. What I'd give to be a fly on the wall during the job interview: Q: So, Mr X: what, exactly, are your qualifications in journalism? A: I click on the 'Spycam' category on Internet porn sites... Q. You're perfect for the job! Sign here... Oh, and when I said 'free visit to any old whorehouse' earlier... please note, not just 'any visit' to 'any whorehouse'. No, no. As a Net TV ace reporter you will also receive a lifetime VIP pass that enables you to access areas of the establishment denied to lesser mortals. In fact, you can just sail right in through the front door of the most exclusive of private brothels – you know, the sort of place where management tends to values its clientele's privacy just a tiny bit – with an entire NET NEWS camera team in tow... past around a dozen signs saying (for pretty obvious reasons): 'ACHTUNG! KAMERAS VERBOTEN!'... and you can even stay there when the management threatens to call the police. OK, OK, I get it: fluency in German is not a job requirement. Maybe that's why the Net News team seemed surprised when a client looking for a quickie in a brothel, took umbrage to find cameras and journalists waiting to film him as he walked in.... Well, those clients had better start getting used to it. And the management, too. The identity of people who visit whorehouses in Germany has now officially become a legitimate battleground in an interminable political all-out war. This also means that any foreign legislation regarding the right to client-management confidentiality can now safely be disregarded. So there's a whole new category of VIP membership at that club, and all others like it. Cardholders can break all the rules as much as they like... then complain Raphael Vassallo