Issue link: https://maltatoday.uberflip.com/i/855205
maltatoday, SUNDAY, 30 JULY 2017 24 Opinion A nd there I was, thinking that the biggest problem posed by Chris Said's bid for PN leader was... his surname. In particular, how awkward it makes things for journalists wishing to quote what 'Chris Said said'. See? It's happening already. My word processor's inbuilt Grammar Nazi application has flagged that as a mistakenly repeated word. And the leadership contest hasn't even begun in earnest yet. What's going to happen when what 'Said said' becomes the dominant headline in every newspaper for weeks on end? And more to the point: how can that be sustained in the event that he goes on to become PN leader... possibly even (who knows?) Prime Minister? It will be chaos, mark my words. Already, journalists feel they have to resort to suitable alternatives to the past perfect form of the verb 'to say': 'Said stated', 'Said declared', 'Said remarked', 'Said observed', 'Said uttered', 'Said opined', 'Said gave verbal expression to the sentiment that...' and so on and so forth. Sooner or later, we're going to exhaust the full gamut of synonyms. We're going to need a bigger thesaurus. It's all very unreasonable, when you think that the former Gozo minister could easily spare us all that hassle by simply changing his name. Go on, Chris, don't be selfish. Just think of the possible advantages: after all, if John Wayne's career never waned, it was partly because he adopted a stage same to replace 'Marion Mitchell Morrison'. (Or how about Dick Van Dyke? You don't think his parents really named him after slang-terms for both the human male genital organ and a lesbian... with a large automobile rammed in between?) But still: if Said is too attached to his family surname to ever contemplate letting it go... the least he could do is just not say anything at all between now and the leadership election. This way, not only would journalists be spared the added inconvenience of thinking up new and original synonyms every time he opens his mouth... but Chris Said himself might not have to be quoted uttering such bizarre inanities as the ones he spouted this week, in response to a violent street brawl in Bugibba. What was it again? "Roaming security patrols, new legislation and the practice to name and shame need to be introduced to handle the rising 'pack' criminality in localities like Bugibba, St Paul's Bay, Qawra and Swieqi [...] It is well known that many foreigners live in these localities and this is not a problem as long as everyone obeys the law..." [but] "...a group of foreigners felt they could terrorise all law-abiding residents in these localities..." Ah yes, those pesky foreigners again: always stirring up trouble in this otherwise perfectly peaceful and utterly violence- free country of ours, aren't they? In fact, you can always tell there are foreigners about, when great unsightly punch- ups suddenly break out bang in the heart of our most heaving entertainment areas. As if any pure, thoroughbred Maltese citizen would ever resort to such uncivilised (and obviously alien) Raphael Vassallo Ah yes, those pesky foreigners again We can't be selective about which public street brawls to be appalled by At a press conference Chris Said highlighted the lack of security as a prominent public concern