Issue link: https://maltatoday.uberflip.com/i/416739
23 maltatoday, SUNDAY, 16 NOVEMBER 2014 Orpheum (a wild ghoul chase) Still, this is entirely consist- ent with the other example of pseudoscience mentioned above. Like believers in Nessie or the Sasquatch, investigators of the paranormal tend to be already convinced of the veracity of the phenomena they are supposed to be verif ying. As a result, they of- ten tend to overlook any explana- tions that do not actually require any suspension of disbelief at all. Just to illustrate this point, another member of this ghost- busting team will later tell us that "according to research I have carried out… I can confirm that the spirit world is just as real as the physical world we inhabit." Naively, I half expected him to tell us a little about this research or at least, for the interviewing journalist to ask him to produce it but no. We are expected to simply take his word for it that he – alone of all the hundreds of millions of people who have tried to do the same thing in the past – has personally unlocked the key to the secrets of the universe. He'll just keep that secret to him- self for the time being, that's all. But back to Mr Cortis, who seems to be the chief inquisitor in this wild ghoul chase. "We have the apparatus," he goes on, "and if we find the place is really haunted, we call a me- dium or an exorcist…" Hmm. OK, we've already had a look at your 'apparatus'. It consists of a gauge that detects changes in the electromagnetic field. I was unaware that we know enough about the nature of the spirit world to conclude that it can be reliably detected through electromagnetic f luctuations. For all we know about ghosts, they might just as easily be detected using a dehumidifier. But considering that the earth 's electromagnetic field is affected all the time by a wide variety of entirely natural phenomena: light, for instance, which is itself electro-magnetic radiation, static electricity, or indeed any A/C or D/C current in the vicinity, which would include every single house- hold appliance in a half-mile radius. How in the spirit world can anyone conclude that the EMF f luctuations picked up on one particular meter are caused by visitors from beyond the grave, and not by the microwave or sat- ellite television next door? Yet for all this, armed with this nothing more than a device for detecting electromagnetic radiation such as radio waves, ultraviolet rays, X-rays and so on, our intrepid ghost busters have confirmed that the Orpheum Theatre in Gzira is haunted. And if my ears served me correctly, it must be haunted by the ghost of Woody Woodpecker. Because only a Looney Tunes character could possibly come up with a classic comic laugh – 'ha ha ha!' – of the kind we get to hear as 'evidence' of the phantom of the Orpheum' in that video. And that is about the only dis- cernible trace of a human voice (suspiciously metallic in tone, but at least intelligible) any where to be heard in the recording. The word that was subtitled 'help' in that video sounded more like a pin dropping on a stainless steel surface. The word 'Le' sounded like a static bloop of the kind an amplifier makes when you sud- denly pull out the jack. Hardly surprising, then, that Woody Woodpecker – or his ghost, for that matter – would laugh loud and long to see this presented, not just as evidence of a possible haunting, but as conclusive proof. But still, let's go along with it now. If nothing else, it's good fun. So we've not only conclusively proved the existence of the spirit world, but we've even got our- selves a chance to talk to a few of its inhabitants, too. So what do we ask? What question would a journalist ask a ghost from beyond the grave? Let's see now: "How did you die?" would be a good start. Might help later confirm whether they did, in fact, die. "What's it like to be dead?" would be quite interesting, too. "How do you manage to talk at all, seeing as your vocal chords are probably being eaten by maggots as we speak?" – wait, no, that might be considered rude – how about: "Can you confirm whether there is a heaven or hell? I have a bet riding on the answer. Which one are you in, any way? And do you need a special membership card for the V VIP area…?" There is literally no end to the amount of interesting questions you could ask a dead person if you just had the chance. So what did these paranormal investigators ask? "How many are there of you?" Ooh, that's a tough question to pose a stiff. People have been dy- ing since… let's see now… around the beginning of the human race. Did you expect the first ghost you encountered to run off and do quick a head (sorry, skull) count? Or did you just mean how many ghosts are there in the room right now? In the latter case, I would have thought one was enough, if you wanted to prove a haunting. But wait, we'd already proven that before even starting out, didn't we? We already know there's a ghost - there HAS to be a ghost, otherwise why would we even be here? –so who knows, maybe there are others… Well, if that's the way you're going to investigate the par- anormal, you can rest assured that 'ghosts' will invariably start popping up literally every where you look. And all you'd need to 'prove' it are a few random bleeps and bloops generated on a sonic screwdriver, and maybe a gullible and lazy media to take the bait. ZZZPNJQJRYPW Renting out your property has never been so attractive. 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