Issue link: https://maltatoday.uberflip.com/i/661117
maltatoday, SUNDAY, 3 APRIL 2016 24 Opinion Libel and (don't) let libel… I f ever you wanted to see a complete, fully representative cross- section of Maltese society in a microcosm… the place to go would be the law courts. I tend to pop in at least once every three months. Just to pay my respects to this hallowed institution of justice, of course. Nothing whatsoever to do with a criminal libel suit filed against me in 2007 by five prison warders and the prison director (which also means I could get arrested for failing to show up for a single hearing). No, indeed. I go there purely to savour the unique thrill of watching the Maltese judicial machine in action. There's nothing quite so exhilarating as a wait of three to four hours, twiddling your thumbs on a bench in the corner… just to be informed by the registrar that there was no need to show up that day, as the case had been (yet again) deferred. Not to mention the colour and the spectacle. The last time I went there, I fancied I took a wrong turning and ended up at the annual Lawyer's Fashion Parade by mistake. Once again, black was the 'in' colour that season… but it seems that visible G-strings are now back in vogue – men AND women, please note – and stiletto heels any shorter than 11 inches have evidently been banned. Then there's the sheer variety of social demographic segments you will find congregated there on any given day, all rubbing shoulders in the corridors. People you know, people you don't, people you recognise from the papers, people you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley at night (including some of the magistrates …) And you even get to learn their names: they are shouted incessantly by 'messengers' who pop in and out of swinging doors like teachers doing the roll call at assembly. Having been sued for criminal libel, I am now fully conversant with the entire 'who's who' of Malta's criminal underworld. Just imagine how much more acquainted I would become, if I were fortunate enough to be convicted and imprisoned… Make no mistake: going to court is educational. Add to this the vaguely Buddhist appeal of hours upon hours of meditation on a wooden bench, with an endless monotonous drone going on in the background – for which people now pay handsomely, at gyms and fitness centres across the island – and you could almost market a local court case as a tourist attraction in its own right. What better way to experience the authentic life of everyday Malta, than to sue or get sued for criminal libel? We already have 'medical tourism', 'religious tourism', 'agri-tourism' and 'money-laundering tourism'… why not become the first country in the world to also offer ' judicial tourism' as an added attraction? I can see the tourist brochures already. "Feeling libelled or aggrieved by a newspaper article? Can't afford the legal costs of suing that newspaper in your own country? Come to Malta – land of sun, sea and never-ending court cases – and experience the spiteful pleasure of suing your critics in the only EU jurisdiction in which libel is still a criminal offence… "Yes, you heard right! Still a criminal – as opposed to civil – offence. There are no legal fees to be paid at all. In fact, you don't even need a lawyer. All you do is file a report with the local police, who will prosecute the entire case on your behalf… all at the State's expense! And if you book your criminal libel holiday early, we'll even throw in a couple of assault and battery charges for free. So what are you waiting for? Call your local police station and file a criminal defamation report NOW!" Yes, that'll work wonders to cut back on a caseload that already dates back to the Neolithic age. (I kid you not: the other day Ugga Ugga was in court, suing the local witchdoctor for criminal malpractice. The case has been constantly deferred since 3,629BC…) And of course, there is also very high likelihood that you will bump into any or all of Malta's politicians sooner or later. For some obscure, unfathomable reason, a decision was taken (and never reversed) to have all libel suits heard by the same magistrate. As a consequence, Francesco Depasquale's courtroom now serves as a magnet that inexorably draws in every single minister and MP at least six times a year… and, of course, every single newspaper editor and journalist on the island, every other day. Nine cases out of 10, it will be the politician suing, and the editor/journalist being sued. At some point in the last 10 years, for instance, Opposition MP Jason Azzopardi would have had his day in court: after he sued Torca editor Felix Agius for libel in 2006 (a relatively recent case, by our law-courts' standards). I single him out because the same Jason Azzopardi seems to have suddenly developed very vocal qualms about using 'libel' as a 'political weapon'… but only, it seems, when the weapon is directed against himself. Shock, horror. Jason Azzopardi has been sued for libel. He Raphael Vassallo Full Colour Version C: M: Y: K: 0 0 0 100 C: M: Y: K: 0 100 100 0 C: M: Y: K: 50 100 100 20 TUNA AQUAMED MFF Ltd. - Hangar, Triq it-Trunciera, Marsaxlokk MXK1522 T: 2247 5000 E: contact@ebcon.com.mt www.mff.com.mt Farmed in Maltese offshore waters and delivered to you with special attention to freshness and to the highest standards. LOOK FOR OUR QUALITY MARK IN YOUR SUPERMARKET, FISHMONGER OR RESTAURANT FOR A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE. EAT FRESH EAT HEALTHY ENJOY OUR SEA BREAM