Issue link: https://maltatoday.uberflip.com/i/655581
25 maltatoday, SUNDAY, 20 MARCH 2016 Opinion hands…" Sorry to interrupt, but it looks like some minor mudslinging is going on even as we speak. It seems that, in desperation, Muscat has fired a volley of last year's shit at the Opposition… "Yes, I had a feeling they might. Their only defence against this type of attack is to remind spectators of all the Swiss secretions and Carribbean crap that had been f lung at title-holding champions such as Austin the Gut and Ninu the Barbarian in 2015. The only problem is, it didn't stick last year, and it is less likely to stick today. The issue is not that the Opposition is also covered in dung… we all know that anyway: this is mud-wrestling, remember? The issue is that Joseph Muscat had promised that he would be avoiding precisely this kind of pitfall to begin with. Yet after only the first three years in office…" Well, it's not looking too good for him at the moment, is it? But still, there's still two whole years to go… and besides: with all the 25 years the Nationalists were in power, surely they would have found something particularly pungent by now… And oh look, here it comes: aimed directly at Beppe Fenech Adami, it seems. This should be interesting… Aw, crap! A commercial break! Still, this gives us time for analysis. Now Beppe, as we all know, is the son of Eddie 'The Confessor' Adami: a former past master in the fine art of extreme excrement-avoidance. Not perhaps as quick on his feet as his successor, Gonzi the Guiltless… who had had this uncanny ability to artfully dodge an entire barrage of poop-projectiles, so that the rest of the team got splattered instead… but Eddie was cloaked in a protective aura of unimpeachability, dipped in a cauldron of magic 'Can Do No Wrong' potion, that caused all manner of slime to simply slither off harmlessly and disappear. Now let's see if Beppe has inherited any similar Tef lon super-abilities of his own…. Splat! Not as loud this time, and the smell seems… kind of familiar…. "That's because it's 'odour of ODZ'. A cunning plan, seeing as the sort of shit that's happening in ODZ places like Zonqor point was the f lavour of the month, at least until recently. But again, this is another dose of last year's excrement…" Well, it certainly hasn't slithered off any protective aura. A rather large glop caught him straight in the eye. Let's see how this weighs up. Beppe Fenech Adami is now at the forefront of an anti-corruption movement – or so his party claims – and he also campaigned against the proposed Zonqor point development last year. So it is undeniably embarrassing to be reminded that he somehow got permits to radically enlarge a property of his outside the development zones, radically increasing the value of his property in the process. To this must be added the dingle-berry of how Beppe managed to become one of only three 'exceptions' to a government policy not to allow a height extension. It definitely stinks, no doubt about that… but is it malodorous enough to overpower the lingering aroma of Panama poo? "If we were living in any other European country, perhaps. It definitely wouldn't irritate as many nostrils as Panama – which would precipitate a full- blown political crisis almost any where in the world. But if it can be proven that rules were bent to accommodate a minister, it would definitely be resignation material elsewhere in Europe…" Why not here, then? "Because this is the world capital of mud-wrestling: we have grown so accustomed to stench that we hardly ever notice it any more. Except, of course, when it is needed as ammunition for the Super Mudbowl. This is why the Labour Party now seems so nauseated it might throw up any second… while the rest of us are only mildly irritated, as by the whiff of a nearby SBD…" At the same time, however, this is also the sort of muck that won Labour the 2013 election. Remember the €500 pay-rise ponger? Not even Gonzi could successfully dodge his way out of that one. Everyone else took the blame, naturally, but this time he just couldn't hold it off long enough for the election… "Yes, but what this government seems to be ignoring is the fact that its own shit stinks far worse… for the simple reason that they promised us better. Remember their campaign? They promised us the fragrance of 'Coco- Chanel Eau-de-Toilet'. It seems they left out the 'Chanel ', 'Eau' and 'De' parts… and all we got was 'Toilet' and 'Coco'…" Right folks, that's all we have time for in this week 's episode. Tune in next week for an update on Malta's most popular sporting programme, 'Whose Shit Stinks Worse'. No telling who will win, of course, but one thing's for sure. They'll all be equally splattered by the end. Ristorante La Vela is a very friendly Italian restaurant located by the Msida Marina in Pieta. Our sicilian chefs specialise in sh antipasti, homemade pasta, daily selection of fresh sh and fresh Aberdeen Angus and Black Angus beef. We are open for lunch everyday except Mondays from 12:30-15:00 and for dinner from Wednesday to Saturday from 19:30-23:00 Ristorante La Vela Triq ix-Xatt, Pieta. • Tel: 99269090, 21230336 Email: michmus68@gmail.com • Web: www.lavelamalta.com Facebook: Ristorante-La-Vela They promised us the fragrance of 'Coco-Chanel Eau-de-Toilet'. It seems they left out the 'Chanel', 'Eau' and 'De' parts… and all we got was 'Toilet' and 'Coco'…"