Issue link: https://maltatoday.uberflip.com/i/591015
maltatoday, SUNDAY, 25 OCTOBER 2015 25 Opinion shouldn't take too long (unlike the speeches)… and… There! The Batman version of Budget 2016… (or, as it would have been named as an episode: "Holy Budget, Batman!"). And if I say so myself – as the proud creator of the graphic on this page – I think it tells us absolutely everything we need to know about what was actually said in Parliament in response to the budget. Don't believe me? Let's try a little experiment, and see how the meme matches up to actual excerpts… This is from Simon Busuttil's speech. "This government is built on lies. […] it says one lie after the other to do everything for power, even at the cost of its moral compass, of its ideals. This government is drunk on power." BIFF! "What's ironic is that the prime minister is paid €7,000 by the government to use his own car…" BAM! "The culture of anything goes is creeping in as is the culture of clientelism" … "You are weak in front of the abuse of power!"… "You're feasting on the taxpayers' money!" BIFF! BAM! KAPOW! And… wait, was there another one to signify an even bigger hit than a KAPOW?... Ah yes, of course: the dreaded 'SOCK!' (Note: For those unfamiliar with the Batman series, 'SOCK' and 'ZAM' were usually reserved for the mightiest of criminal masterminds, eg, Penguin or the Joker. They rarely got up afterwards, and when they did, they'd have a halo of tweety- birds circling their heads…). Over to Joseph Muscat now, and… "Busuttil is totally detached from the people's realities and concerns." BIFF! "Once again I've confirmed that Busuttil doesn't even understand the basic economic values and made repeated mistakes of the dynamics of our economy." BAM! "[Busuttil] has failed to understand the unprecedented fight we have launched against the abuse of social benefits and, instead of defending our decision to stop the abuse, he is defending it." KAPOW! "[His was] the most negative budget speech ever delivered by a leader of the Opposition, attacking everything and everyone without focusing on one positive thing that is encouraging families and business…" …and just to wrap up the Idi Amin-inspired barrage… "… He cannot even get a single sum right!" Yikes! OK, I've officially run out of sound-effects now. What was the one regularly used for the exploding chemical plant in the 2000AD comics? 'GRDRG- KLOOSH-BRMNGNBRG- GSHHHHH…" Or something like that, anyway… But at the end of all this furious 'Biffing' and 'Bamming'… what were we actually left with, anyway? Two bruised and bloodied combatants, panting for breath as they held themselves up at the ropes… Ah, but you might be thinking… surely there was more to the two speeches than an exchange of insults? Or am I trying to suggest that both leaders spoke for a combined, oh, four hours… and said nothing more than could be accurately condensed into just four, endlessly repeated words (five, if you also include the 'Biff!', 'Sock!' or 'Kapow!' each time… )… without losing any of the significance of the original? To which hypothetical question I would reply: Erm, yup. Pretty much sums it up. In fact, I couldn't have put it better myself… even if I did put it that way myself, just now. And that's not the half of it. You will find that the above meme is perfectly applicable also to the way politics are discussed in this country, by persons other than politicians. I have lost count of the online political arguments I have seen (or engaged in) that degenerated into nothing more than an endlessly repeated cycle of the above motif. And just like the Batman image, it is repeated endlessly. It's enough to venture even a half-baked criticism of the present government, over any issue you care to name, for some anonymous commentator somewhere to label you a 'Simon Busuttil acolyte'… or suggest that you're on the PN payroll. Naturally, it works the other way round with spectacular mathematical symmetry. Criticise the direction the Opposition is taking, over any number of areas were criticism is clearly warranted, and… ZAP! You're a Joseph Muscat man now. And it doesn't matter how often both sides of the same meme is used against one and the same target. Just as it perfectly possible for 'Bruce Wayne' and 'Batman' to be one and the same person… so too can one very easily find himself both Joseph Muscat minion and Simon Busuttil standard-bearer at the same time. Simon Busuttil? Biff! Joseph Muscat! Joseph Muscat? Bam! Simon Busuttil! So in the interest of saving time and trouble, may I suggest that you all procure yourselves a pair of scissors, and cut out the image on this page… or for the online version, take a screenshot and crop it out – then cut it in half. This way, you will no longer have to waste valuable cerebral energy trying to come up with new and imaginative ways of saying the same thing. All you'll have to do is paste whichever half happens to match your political viewpoint into the text field… Oh, and don't worry too much if you paste the wrong half by mistake, I can assure you no one will ever notice… and I can offer a personal, money- back guarantee that it will have exactly the same effect as the point you were going to make anyway. Only without any mental effort on your part, and – again, if I say so myself – much more eloquently, too. Still, we are not even close to exhausting the exciting possibilities afforded by this new and indispensable aid to political debate. For by simply changing the names to, say, "David Cameron! (or Donald Trump!) BIFF! Jeremy Corbyn (Or Bernie Sanders!)", you too can pass yourself off as an instant expert in foreign affairs. Those simple four (or five) words will suffice to win you every political argument you ever get embroiled in, about the geo-political realities facing literally any country in the world. As long as you know the names of the people you should be Biffing and the ones you should be Kapowing, there'll be no stopping you on the international ring. Of course, we'll be nowhere nearer to addressing any of the actual issues that political debate is supposed to actually address. Instead, we'll all be panting at the ropes like the Biffers and Bammers we impersonate. But hey, don't be such a spoilsport! Who cares about addressing serious issues anyway? The only important thing is that we all get to occasionally give someone a good and proper, DC Comics- style clobbering. Ain't that right, Batman? It doesn't matter how often both sides of the same meme is used against one and the same target. Just as it is perfectly possible for 'Bruce Wayne' and 'Batman' to be one and the same person... so too can one very easily find himself both Joseph Muscat minion and Simon Busuttil standard-bearer at the same time YOUR FIRST CLICK OF THE DAY www.maltatoday.com.mt