Issue link: https://maltatoday.uberflip.com/i/664438
maltatoday, SUNDAY, 10 APRIL 2016 24 Opinion How to 'serenely get your message across'… E ver noticed how certain words and turns of phrase keep cropping up in similar situations? I don't mean just the prevailing 'slogan of the moment' – which today happens to be 'Shame on You', though it might have been 'Tort Tal-Lejber' or 'Hmieg Tal- Grieden' at other times or in different contexts. No, the expressions I'm talking about are far more permanent in usage. They keep materialising at certain specific instances, predictable as clockwork, as if in response to some obscure Pavlovian stimulus none of us really understands. My only explanation is that the entire nation has somehow had the same phrasebook subliminally drilled into its subconscious through mass hypnosis. As a result, we always seem to respond to similar situations with exactly the same words. One example of such words is… 'serene'. And a beautiful word it is, too. Take a moment to savour its full auditory impact: even the f low and cadence of its syllables denote an instant sensation of clarity and calm. You can almost feel the muscles of your neck relax as the word rolls off your tongue… Serene... serene… I'm so… serene… Oops, almost dozed off there. But that's exactly the point. 'Serenity' is about the last thing you'd associate with the Maltese political situation at the moment. Even a rabid dog which has just been kicked in the testicles would respond with more equanimity and grace. There is a whirling, spinning chaotic vortex of anger and hatred about Maltese politics that no longer seems even remotely in control. Politicians no longer 'speak'… they howl and bark instead. And there is no semblance of 'peace' or 'tranquillity' ever to be observed. Absolutely everything is always a 'calamity', an 'emergency', a 'scandal', an 'earthquake' (even if much the same thing has been happening for years). This, broadly speaking, has been the increasingly unstable backdrop of all political discussion in this country for as long as I can remember… and in recent months and weeks it has grown steadily more tense and unruly. Expecting to encounter 'serenity', in this context, would be a little like hoping to find virginity in a brothel. You'd be best advised to look elsewhere. And yet, and yet… no sooner does a politician find himself under pressure on account of some scandal or other, he always becomes 'serene'. Konrad Mizzi is the latest in a long list of ministers and MPs upon whom an unearthly sensation of inner peace has suddenly descended. With calls for his resignation now mounting even from within his own party, the beleaguered energy minister's natural reaction was to assume the Lotus position, and enter a blissful state of 'oneness with the Universe'. And to tell us all about it, too. "I am serene," he announced at the Labour annual general meeting, to a very peaceful and quiet roar of applause and standing ovation. And I'm so pleased for him, too. For let's face it: nothing is of greater concern to the general public right now, than the personal inner sentiments of Konrad Mizzi. Never mind the fact that he is the only European minister named and shamed by the Panama Papers, and that – to date – no political responsibility has been shouldered over this sordid affair… the only important thing is that the man at the centre of the storm feels 'serene'. But Mizzi is not alone in reporting this inexplicable transformation in times of crisis. Before him, Michael Falzon (the Labour version) had likewise slipped into a blissful state of 'serenity' when engulfed by the Gaffarena scandal. Even across the political divide, Nationalist ministers had always responded to criticism by informing us of their current state of mental relaxation. I distinctly remember George Pullicino using the word 'serene' to describe his own sentiments, when expanding the development boundaries in 2006. The implications are really quite fascinating. To lapse into a state of 'serenity', it seems, all you need to do is get yourself embroiled in a good old- fashioned political scandal. Just think of all those silly Buddhist monks, who spend their entire lifetimes in deep meditation – denying themselves all the pleasures afforded by earthly existence – to reach a state they could achieve instantly, just by opening a bank account in Panama. And just think of all the money people spend on private psychiatric counselling in order to obtain inner peace of mind. Fools! Don't they know that overseas trust funds in tax havens work just as well, without any of the confusing psychobabble? There are other advantages, too. Being 'serene' is a wonderful way to countenance threats to your career as minister. Criticism? Controversy? Calls for resignation? 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